Tip or Treat

The other day when ‘dressed up’ for a work interview the camera man asked, “If you dress up like this throughout the year what do you do on Halloween?” “I take the day off,” I replied. A few days after the interview several coworkers approached me and said, “I didn’t even recognize you. Seriously, it didn’t look like you at all. It had to have been the pearls.” Pearls can be so deceiving.

As Halloween got closer I still couldn’t decide what to be, but I had a few ideas: 1) Truth Fairy – wear wings, carry a dry erase board and write sincere insults on it when others walk by or 2) Drug Bust – tape a bunch of pills on my boobs. The day before Halloween, completely undecided, I learned about a woman in North Dakota who planned to give candy to thin trick-or-treaters and letters about obesity to fat trick-or-treaters. Hearing about this sparked my next ‘two-fold’ costume idea: A big fat dick – my plan was to knock on this woman’s door and tell her I was actually a mirror. What a twat! Kids want candy. Adults want candy. We’ll also accept tricks, but tips? No thanks;  only if we’re providing a service and her plan is a complete disservice to everyone.

Instead of going to North Dakota I actually ended up going to work on Halloween, sans costume. Most people at my office don’t dress up. The few who do tend to don t-shirts with stupid sayings, pajama bottoms and sports jerseys. As one coworker in a baseball jersey and jeans walked by I said, “Great costume.” He didn’t reply so I made it my mission to make this comment to everyone – especially those who weren’t in costume. I took it up a notch by adding a laugh and shaking my head. This compliment was received by all, well-received by some. After I’d had enough, I decided the best costume I could don was that of a non-essential federal employee. Already in costume and being pretty much everything but federal, I furloughed myself for the day.

My tip for you for next year: Be non-essential.