Rated R and I decided to spend the afternoon tending to our needs which turned out to be food, drink, shopping and more drink.
While dining we noticed several patrons were staring our way and both of us wondered why this was happening. We’re used to awkward stares – we get them all of the time when up to our normal shenanigans – but these stares made no sense because we were just calmly sitting and eating. As we left I noticed a TV above our table on which football was displayed. This could have actually been what drove the attention of other patrons our way, but my vanity tells me that isn’t so.
While on our shopping excursion I picked up the scent of what I thought was a cigar. Sure enough, I found a woman smoking in the parking lot. “Is that a Pimp Stick cigar you’re smoking?” I asked. “No, it’s a clove cigarette,” she replied. “Lovely,” was my response. “Would you like one?” she kindly offered. “Yes, please,” I said and she kindly handed me two. One, make that two, for me and none for Rated R, who is currently Rated PG (yep, she’s pregnant again).
Our last stop was the coffee shop where we got some fuel for our bodies. Rated R then headed to a baby shower – it is what PG women do – and I planned to get ready for my next adventure: witch party. This is what women do once a year in costume and, for some, the rest of the year out of costume.
I knew my make-up was going to be elaborate so I decided to don my dress first. I quickly realized all of my time tending to my needs had caught up with me causing the buttons on my dress to refuse to do their part. In an attempt to keep the attention from my ‘busted’ dress, I decided to apply make-up that would make my eyes pop (just like my buttons). Just prior to donning my wig and hat there was a knock at my door. In view of the door I had no time to cover up so I answered the door as though nothing was out of the ordinary or out of my dress.
My next door neighbor, clearly shocked to see me, asked if I was going to a Halloween party. I replied, “I do this all of the time on the second Saturday of the month. It’s the Second Saturday, right?” “No, the third,” he said, staring at me just like the patrons at the restaurant did. “My bad,” I said, knowing his stare was just where it appeared to be because there was no TV displaying football behind or around me.
Having been ‘busted,’ I decided there was no need to continue to wait for my ride inside my house, thus, I grabbed my wig, hat, cape, clove cigarettes and took a seat on the porch where my fellow witch, Nora the cat, awaited me. As I lit my cigarette I nearly also lit my synthetic hair. An act that would surely cause furious dancing and would definitely allow me to see the stars through a freshly burned roof. This witch act was coming all to easily for me. What was next? Heading to the coast, undressing and rolling around in the sand? Been there, done that. Beware those who stare….it is the second, I mean third, Saturday and this pampered bitch, I mean witch, is (almost) on fire!