After I told Sleepless about my urgent care diagnosis and need to see an orthopedic surgeon she kindly offered to both drive and accompany me to my appointment.
Immediately after checking in, and while completing the medical forms, the medical assistant calls my name and one of the other assistants exclaims, “You have to tell me how this happened!” So, in the waiting room, after reading about HIPAA and before going into a private exam room, I disclosed my f’ed up situation.
I met with the doctor who also could not wait to hear about my situation, then asked what name I prefer to go by, and sent me down the hall to get x-rays. “They’re pretty excited about your injury,” Sleepless observed. To avoid any negative impacts from the x-ray they had her stand in the office area where she was able to overhear the other medical assistants at work. “There is a lot going on here. They’re getting pre-authorizations and scheduling MRIs, CT Scans and surgery,” she told me. “You can hear all of that?” I asked while posing for my x-ray. “Yes,” she confirmed. “About another patient?” I asked. “No, these are all for you,” she advised. “Shit,” I replied.
We returned to the private exam room and giggled when we overheard the doctor in the hallway, “open reduction, inner fixation.” “I really need to start taking notes,” Sleepless said. The doctor entered the room, again asked me what name I prefer to go by, told me, “I’ll probably ask you that again. You’ve got good bone,” and then went to tell us that the open reduction and inner fixation comments were related to my greater tuberosity fracture – something that occurs in less than 2% of proximal humerus fractures and requires surgery.
It was at about this time in the appointment that the closed captioning on the TV in the room read, “The scent of females is thick.” Thick it was. This shit just got serious, maybe.