This just ‘out’

I thought it would be nice to have dinner with MiniMe, so I sent her a text to invite her. Prior to accepting the invitation, she asked, “With whom?” “With me,” I replied. “LOL, OK,” was her gracious response.

We went to an Indian restaurant and enjoyed coconut curry, bhindi aloo, pakaro, kulfi and chai tea. After the meal we hopped in the car, together, to drive home.

Most everyone knows ‘this just in’ is a phrase used to announce breaking news. ‘This just out’ is a phrase I coined after MiniMe broke wind in my car – something she tends to do on a regular basis, when the windows are rolled up. Kids today often refer to this as a ‘clutch oven.’ Even though my car is an automatic, the impact was the same.

“Did you just fart?” I asked her. “Yes, fine, I’ll roll the window down. You do it all the time,” she said. “Not true and not in the car,” I replied. “Oh, really? Should I ask my uncle about that?” she said in response. Approximately 20 years ago my sister, Contestant #56, started dating her now husband. In the early stages of their relationship they stopped by the house and, as I was reaching into an upper cabinet, I let one slip. Or, as her husband remembers, I let one rip.

That is the one and only time I farted in front of him yet, for some reason, MiniMe likes to use this act to justify her clutch ovens and any other time she breaks wind. “That was 20 years ago and I haven’t seen him for years so I highly doubt the Courts of Flatulence would consider him a credible witness,” I advised her. “Whatever. It’s your fault my farts smell so bad,” she always tells me. “How so?” “Genetics,” is her standing and, in my opinion, stinky, response. “I think what you eat and how your body processes it is a more likely cause,” I advised. “Still your fault. You picked the restaurant,” she quipped.