Smile and look pretty?

I have said, many a times, that my primary duty at work is to smile and look pretty. Thus, when I learned I may be grinding my teeth, I knew I had to remedy the situation and fast because while I’m grinding away my moneymaker, other people are chomping at the bit for a prestigious position such as mine. I jest, a little.

The hygienist suggested a mouthguard and I respectfully declined advising her I have a retainer at home that should do the job. I relayed this exchange with Sleepless. “Will your retainer prevent you from grinding your teeth?” she asked. I assured her it is an in credibly unattractive retainer that has enhanced features that 1) prevent my teeth from touching, 2) cause my lips to protrude and 3) prevent any possible attraction which is why I only wear them when I absolutely have to do so. Apparently, that time is now.

Prior to leaving the appointment the hygienist hooked me up with the standard souvenirs: toothbrush, toothpaste and dental floss. That night, I went home, rinsed the dust (actually, calcified saliva) off my retainers and was reminded of the cute sticker MiniMe selected to have placed in the roof of my top retainer. Not familiar with the character, I did an online search for ‘female villain red dress and hat.’  Right at the top of my search results was ‘Red Hat Society.’ “Fitting,” I thought to myself, as I took the Sensodyne sample out of my bag and prepared to brush my teeth. Sensodyne. I remember seeing this in the home of ‘older adults’ and, yet, here I am using it prior to putting my retainer/mouth guard with the Red Hat Society villain on it in my mouth.

I guess it could be worse. I could be taking my teeth out at night and brushing them with Polident. For now, I’m grateful for what I’ve got. So, I’ll pop my retainers in, smile and look pretty….unattractive.