Swirl. Sniff. Swallow.

Being the wine connoisseurs we are, BioMom, Oreggano and I decided to participate in a wine pairing/making class at a local steakhouse. Considering none of us really eat red meat, this was a bold choice, but were suckers (literally) for wine.

We arrived to find a quaint room, set up for 12, equipped with loads of wine, multiple wine glasses, pipettes, graduated cylinders and spit buckets. The sommeliers encouraged us to wet our palettes with the various wines (chardonnay, merlot, cabernet sauvignon and ‘mystery grape’ – malbec). As we did so, the servers brought us tapas plants ranging from vegetables to prime rib.

In addition, the sommeliers encouraged us to use our pipettes, as opposed to pouring the wine. BioMom was all over this concept. As she was perfecting her next 30 ml batch of wine I was loving the ribs. “This rub is so good. I want you to just run your finger across this rub and then stick your finger in your mouth,” I told her. She did and, apparently when I wasn’t looking, she also licked the rib. “You should really lick it. I don’t mind,” I said. “I just did,” she replied. “Wow. It’s like we just French kissed a cow,” I said while licking the rib again. “Look, she is trying to be a serious chemist and you are licking beef,” Oreggano confronted me. “Well you watched,” I replied – it was my only defense. “I’m not going to lie,” BioMom said while transferring wine with her pipette, ” I put some in my mouth and almost swallowed.” “Sorry about us,” Oreggano told the sommelier and then leaned back to pour some wine from the graduated cylinder into her mouth.

As the class came to a close, we were asked to name and present our best wine blend. “Mix first and name second. You never want to chase your name,” the sommelier advised. Torn between ‘Swirl Sniff Swallow’ and ‘New Stoop,’ BioMom and Oreggano advised I select the latter in honor of my new stoop. “Mine is ‘The Consuela,’ not to be confused with the ‘Rosa,'” BioMom proudly informed us. “Rose or Rosa?” I asked. “It doesn’t matter,” she replied.

In the end, it really didn’t matter because The Consuela and New Stoop did not win the new wine contest. Instead, Oreggano took home a $50 gift card for her superb wine blend, The Double Down.’ To celebrate, we invited everyone from the class to the new stoop where we doubled down on any and all liquor in the house and, just as I knew would happen at some point, christened the stoop with a nice new merlot finish. Swirl, sniff, swallow, spill. We did and we will again, very soon.