I was sharing stories with Oreggano about my recent adventures in New York and told her about an idea I had. The idea came to me while perusing the hundreds of pictures I took. The majority of the pictures were good. The rest, well, if I was famous, the media would have a heyday. I can see the headlines now:
“Is that a baby bump?”
“Tight dress (that was originally purchased as a moomoo) sparks pregnancy rumors.”
“She says burrito, we say baby.”
“Is that a baby in your belly or are you just happy to see me?”
My response, to seeing the baby bump pictures and the headlines, is simple, “Oh hell no!” Most of the time, I take a pretty good picture. In fact, one doesn’t even have to instruct me to say “Cheese” – an old photography trick that, when said, typically causes us to pull our lips back and bare our teeth. Unfortunately, on my recent pool and beach side adventure, all I was saying was, “Cottage Cheese” and “Muffin top.” Both food items, like cheese, so I guess that’s good. I’d just rather see them at the grocery store than on my body.
Anyway, my idea is to make my friends and I famous by posting horrible pictures of us, complete with horrible headlines, on an online rag – a localized Enquirer resulting in self-made notoriety. “I’ve got loads of bad pictures already, so we should be good to go for some time. Plus, it would be easy to come up with some rumors about each other,” I told Oreggano. “No problem on making up shit – we’re good at that. If we need more pictures, we can just hire a photographer to follow us around. Maybe Dr. BJ. He’s notorious for taking and posting some of the most unflattering pictures of people,” she replied.
She’s right. Dr. BJ seems to have purchased a camera and computer without a delete or edit feature. As a result, there are oodles of pictures of us out there on the world wide web where not only are our faces saying “Cheese,” they are also saying, “Duh,” “I’m drunk as a skunk,” “I’m going to close my eyes for this pic” and, last but not least, “Oh hell no!”