As we engage in new relationships in life, we have to make some pretty big decisions. Specifically, when it might be alright or acceptable to take it to another level – the level involving bodily functions (sex excluded).
By ‘bodily functions,’ I’m referring to eructation (burping and belching), flatus (gas) and closed door activities (number one and number poo). Many people have reported to have never displayed the first two bodily functions in the presence of others. I would be very hesitant about trusting these people. Not because they don’t eructate or flatulate – rather, because they lie about it. If one consumes food or beverage they will, at some point, do these two things in the presence of others. As far as the latter two, well, that is really taking the relationship to another level.
We were discussing this with Sleepless and Ice Cream Man who have been dating for almost two years and have not done any of these things in the presence of each other – not purposely anyway. “She farts herself awake sometimes,” Ice Cream Man said and added, “She doesn’t know she does it. I think it is cute.” Ah, the early stages of a relationship. “You only have one bathroom,” That’s Not Chinese observed and asked, “You’ve never peed in front of each other.” “No,” Ice Cream Man proudly confirmed. “Well I’ve seen you both pee,” I interjected. “It’s true,” Sleepless concurred. “In the Hamptons, we all saw you when I (Sleepless) opened the bathroom door to make sure you were OK.” “I’ve also seen you pee outside. Several locations. Several times,” I added.
“Well, for the record, I got to hear about all of the things you girls were doing in the Hamptons. Throwing up (drinking induced) and taking a shit, two actually,” he stated. The latter bit of that comment was directed toward me. “I’m pretty regular,” I advised. Ice Cream Man continued, “And then, she (me again) goes into the bathroom while you (Sleepless) are getting ready, starts to pee, and says, ‘Uh oh. I didn’t see this coming. You may want to leave unless you’re ready to take this relationship to another level.’ Wow.”
I’m cool with it. I know I’m among friends when my flatulence doesn’t clear a room – at least, not permanently. As Outkast once so wisely sang, “I know you’d like to think your shit don’t stank. But lean a little bit closer. See that roses really smell like poo-poo-poo.” What’s a relationship without roses? Stank free? I doubt it.