That’s Not Chinese, Unfazed and I met Passed The Sniffed Test for half-off sushi and, as is often the case at the ‘Asian fusion’ restaurants we frequent, cheap wine. That’s Not Chinese was interested in a Cabernet Sauvignon, however, at $4 a glass, no vineyard was listed on the menu. “You realize it is from a box,” I told her. “Look, whatever,” she replied. The waitress advised her it was, in fact from a box. “Which one?” I asked. “A white box,” the waitress replied. “You’re getting Franzia,” I told That’s Not Chinese. A few minutes later, the waitress returned and confirmed, it was Franzia. “Franzia, that’s not French or Italian,” I said. “That’s not Chinese either,” Passed The Sniff Test quipped.
Pretty soon, That’s Not Chinese had finished her glass of boxed wine and requested another, “Can you pour me a little more from your box?” she asked the waitress and then added, “Ah, shit. That sounded pretty bad.” She then went on to tell us how ‘bad’ she was, “I was into hip hop for like a year or 63 weeks.” “Hip hop? Really? Like what?” I asked. “Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Will Smith,” she smugly replied while flashing peace signs (very gangster). “Will Smith?” Unfazed asked, clearly fazed by this comment.
A little later, That’s Not Chinese reminded Unfazed and I that she was, “very hip hop.” “I knew all of the songs,” she told us. “Which songs?” I asked. “All of them,” she replied. “What are some of the lyrics?” I asked. “It don’t matter,” she replied and raised her glass, but didn’t pour one for her homies. This Ol’ G would never intentionally pour her wine – whether it came from a box or a bottle – anywhere other than her mouth. She’s way too hip hop, much like The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, for that business.