With Chinese New Year upon us, I Was A Stripper and I began discussing resolutions and new year changes. “You know it’s the year of the dragon,” I advised her and added, “Almost time to put your rabbit away.” “I don’t have a rabbit. I’ve got something with a trunk. I think it’s a hummingbird,” she told me while searching online for a new year new job. Last I checked, hummingbirds have beaks, not trunks.
Speaking of hummingbirds, poor Bobby’s Girl was advised by her doctor to get a B.O.B. (battery operated boyfriend) and, one year later – as the year of the rabbit is coming (pun intended) to an end, she still doesn’t own one. “Really? You don’t have one?” I asked her. “No. I know, I know, I should get one,” she humbly replied. “Like your doctor said, ‘Use it or lose it,'” MyFace told her. “Well, this may sound weird, but ever since MyFace told me that story, whenever I use mine I think of you,” I told Bobby’s Girl. I’ve no doubt she took note of that comment.
As I Was A Stripper and I continued to peruse job openings, we found the ideal position, ‘Note Taker.’ The description was just as good as the job title, ‘This individual will be expected to take notes.’ “Better make note of that job,” I advised her. She hadn’t wasted any time and was already applying for the position. “Speaking of taking note, S-Unit advised me against washing my hair on Chinese New Year. Apparently it is considered bad luck,” I advised her. Per several online sites, washing, cutting your hair and showering are all believed to be bad luck – doing so washes/cuts away one’s prosperity.
With this year being the year of the dragon, I’ve no doubt it will be packed with good luck and fortune. For starters, my coworkers will have the good fortune of working with my unshowered, perhaps stinky, ass. I Was A Stripper is in luck because she has the elephant trunk hummingbird – hummingphant? – and doesn’t have to worry about the fact that the year of the rabbit is over. In addition, she is eating well.
She decided to start the year with a can of tuna and, because this Chinese New Year is a prosperous one, offered some to me, “You want some of my tuna?” I respectfully declined and, several minutes after she ate the tuna, I caught her sniffing the air around her. When she couldn’t pin down the scent or cause, she bent over, sniffed her crotch, and then sniffed her fingers. It was at this point that she had both ‘found the source’ and noticed me watching. “Smell my fingers. They smell like tuna. I can’t take notes with tuna smelling fingers,” she told me. I Was A Stripper may want to take her chances with luck and shower today.