Last week The Leaver disclosed the fact that I Was A Stripper speaks French in her sleep. I Was A Stripper had no knowledge of such thing. This tends to be the case for most people and most activities that occur when they’re sleeping. This could be advantageous for I Was A Stripper because she has been thinking of working as a flight attendant. As someone with bilingual somniloquy (fancy way to say ‘sleeptalking’) skills, she will be a great asset to the French airlines.
The few times I have slept at Bruiser’s I’ve wondered what might really be going on with me while my body is supposed to be going through a restorative and adaptive process. “You snore a little. It’s cute. Just a little snore,” Bruiser has advised me. To my knowledge, the only time I snore is when I’m congested and, now, when with Bruiser. Sleep apnea, aka, snoring, is not necessarily cute, rather, it can be a very slow and loud death.
This most recent overnighter at Bruiser’s, I went to bed with an upset stomach. When I finally fell asleep, I apparently went to a place that most adults only go to 20% of the time that they are sleeping. I went to rapid-eye-movement (REM)/dream sleep. The portion of my dream that I remember was about flatulence and the fact that my farts were so quiet and stench free that nobody ever knew when I released them. When I woke from this dream I couldn’t help but wonder, “Have I been farting in my sleep?” I checked with On My Terms, my roommate, and she advised me I had not. Luckily, our muscles our inactive when we sleep, preventing us from acting out our dreams. Phew – for me and for her.
Relieved (yet, not relieved) by this news, I put my head under the covers and joined millions of Adult Americans who are doing the same thing – sleeping 1/3 of their lives away. As a wise man once said, “If people were meant to pop out of bed, we’d all sleep in toasters.”