While visiting with Dr. BJ and That’s Not Chinese, That’s Not Chinese kept referencing her piehole, “Sometimes I can’t help the things that come out of my piehole.” “Ew, every time you say that I think of something else,” Dr. BJ told her. “You too?” I asked and then suggested, “Why don’t you just open and close your legs to match what you’re saying?” That’s Not Chinese all too willingly agreed to do so.
According to Merriam-Webster, the first known use of ‘piehole,’ aka mouth, occurred in 1993. Thinking back, that date is probably pretty accurate as I believe that is the year Mini Me got Pete the Repeat Parrot for Christmas. Instead of utilizing Pete to practice Latin or ‘interrogate suspects with double effectiveness,’ thanks to my family, Pete turned out to be more like Polly the Insulting Parrot. To Pete’s defense, he wasn’t repeating things like ‘Dickhead alert,’ or ‘Who’s a pretty Polly? Not you lardass.’ Instead, Pete repeatedly repeated, “Shut your piehole.”
Almost twenty years later and my piehole is still open. As I was thinking about all of this, I realized I hadn’t eaten dinner. Earlier, I had made a conscious decision to eat better. I headed to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator to assess my options, and made an executive decision to fill my piehole with a single-serve slice of key lime pie. After the fork touched base with my pallet, I did just as Pete repeated, I shut my piehole.