I’m not always the sharpest tool in the shed. The other day, while discussing very important issues with my boss, he told me he won ‘Garage of the Year.’ “Really? How does one do that?” I asked. “I’m not sure, but I won. I mean, we designed it to match the house. The gables match perfectly,” he replied. “OK, but I still don’t understand what makes your garage stand out from the rest,” I told him. As I relayed this exchange to MyFace she looked at me with the look she often gives me and asked, “Are you trying to get fired? Just tell him ‘congratulations,’ and get outta there.”
A few weeks later, I was in his office for a meeting with some head honchos from another department. We were discussing the Theory of Constraints, introduced by the late Eliyahu M. Goldratt. My boss had read his book, The Goal, twice, and then loaned it to a coworker to read. The coworker had it in front of him during the meeting. “Did you read the book?” one of the top head honchos asked me. “Oh, yes, twice,” I quickly replied. “Really?” he asked. “No, not really, but he did,” I said pointing to my boss and adding, “I haven’t read it all. I did, however, place a hold on the book at the library.” This was also not true.
A few hours later, the office had a little potluck luncheon and there was a ton of leftover food. “I can’t believe how much food there is,” my boss observed, “Like loaves and fishes it grows and grows.” “Is that Dr. Suess?” I asked. He looked at me with an ‘are you serious’ expression, laughed and replied, “That’s the bible.” “Oh, yes, the bible. Another book I’ve not read once or twice,” I replied.
As I shared this story with MyFace, she shook her head and said, “Seriously, you are lucky to have a job.” “I didn’t know that was the bible,” I said in defense. “How am I supposed to know? It rhymed, just like green eggs and ham with Sam.” Seriously, though. How am I supposed to know? Green eggs and fishes, I’m outta here bitches.