On My Terms, Wanted and I decided to have pre-drinks before So Hip’s birthday party.
We met at On My Terms’ house and each of us had a different cocktail. On My Terms stuck with her standard, rum and Coke. I had vanilla vodka with cream soda and Wanted brought one Smirnoff Ice and purchased a second at the liquor store. “Only two?” On My Terms asked her. “I know my limits,” Wanted replied.
We started discussing dating and comparing stories – the musician who asked about periods, the recently divorced gent who cried during sex, and the hippie with the eagle tattoo on his back who would say ‘watch this’ and then roll his shoulders to make it look like the eagle was flying – when Wanted experienced an epiphany. “I figured out why I have bruises on my thighs. Based on the location and size, I can only assume they are from him holding me when we (she and her husband) are having sex,” she surmised. “Guess we’ll have to change your blog name to Bruiser,” I advised her. “Yep, your blog name is changed,” On My Terms confirmed.
On our way to the party we decided to stop at the drug store and have a picture of So Hip blown up. While we waited for that to happen, we were browsing around the store and decided to purchase eye masks and fake teeth – both from the Halloween aisle – to wear at the party.
We arrived at the party, fake fangs in our mouths and masks on our faces, to find it we were among a posh crowd. We took a few photos and then decided it might be best to donate our goods to the young ones (sans the gently used dentures).
We got our drinks and were sitting on the couch watching people when So Hip began dancing with others. “Look at her. She’s so hip,” On My Terms commented. She and I soon decided to join in the dancing and a few things quickly became clear: 1) I should have ordered white wine and 2) Fat Girl is not the only one who is not a fan of my dancing. “You look like Elaine,” On My Terms told me. “No way. I’m better than Elaine. I’m Elaine promoted,” I replied and then encouraged Bruiser to join us. “Not happening. I need way more to drink if I’m going to dance. I know my limits.” She did know her limits and I wanted to show On My Terms that my dancing skills had no limits so I taught her a few of the moves from Julien Doré’s Kiss Me Forever video.
As much as she tried to resist the temptation, she could not do so and quickly began raising the roof, rolling dough, doing the penguin and breaking it up with a double clap. “That is some awkward clap,” she told me. “I think the clap is always a bit awkward,” I replied. “Oh, hey, that reminds me. Hey Bruiser, check out this dance move,” On My Terms shouted out and then started doing ‘the eagle tattoo on your back’ move. Now who looks like Elaine. Uh huh.