People who regularly yard sale don’t wait for 8 AM to find them; they find 8 AM and the best deal they can on whatever unwanted goods one is selling. As a result, Oreggano and I were fully prepared for our first customers to arrive by 8 AM. To use the phrase The Leaver ‘coined,’ “This was not our first rodeo.”
What we were not prepared for was the mad amount of money we would make between 7:45 and 8:20. During this window of time – when most people are sleeping in, sipping on their morning coffee, or Sweatin’ to the Oldies – we were making enough money to buy our own hamburger. That’s right. The $8 burger would no longer need to be shared. Screw this recession!
We were soon joined by Wanted, The Leaver, Dr. BJ and Tree. We even had guest appearances by Alice, MiniMe and Striker. Based on my math skills, it takes approximately nine people to hold a yard sale/screw in a lightbulb. As often happens at yard sales, we started buying items from each other. This concept completely conflicts with the purpose of a yard sale, but we didn’t let that get in the way of our purchasing.
What also happens at yard sales is your neighbors ask you two questions: Did you have all of this stuff in your house? Are you moving? The latter is often a hopeful prod. “She’s not moving. We’re staying here. You’ll continue to hear us on the porch each night,” Oreggano proudly informed them.
We were doing as friends do at a yard sale – sitting on the stoop, drinking coffee, making up prices, and gossiping – when Dr. BJ and I went in the house to refresh our cups. “Listen to me go on,” he told me and added, “I”m like a bitch covered in chocolate.” “If we dated, I would be a bitch covered in chocolate,” I replied and we returned to the yard sale.
Oreggano and Cream Of Tartar have been very busy getting rid of a lot of junk because they want to move into a bigger home. One of the items Oreggano decided to ‘get rid of’ ended up creating a life changing experience for her. Not sure how to share this news with the rest, she gave me permission to do so. “OK. Everything on this table is $1, the clothes are $2, and Opreggano is pregnant.”
This news means Opreggano and I won’t be drinking together for some time, thus, today’s yard sale money will be spent on appetizers, entrees, desserts, copays and diapers. None of this is a problem for me because I love all of those things (sans the copays and the diapers).
In the end, we made enough money for a nice dinner in a nearby resort town and found it does take several people to have a good yard sale/screw in a lightbulb. We also learned the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb….you can unscrew the lightbulb.
NOTE: How many people who read this blog can keep a secret? Opreggano hasn’t told her family yet (yes, Cream Of Tartar knows but Quite Contrary and Bowtie Killer aren’t aware). So, please, no comments on fb…this ‘baby’ is just between us. Wink, wink. Nod, nod.