On My Terms is a high school friend who really knows how to have a good time. Whenever we have plans, I know – without saying or actually doing it – that it is going to be a fist bumping, high fiving adventure. Being that a lot of us haven’t seen each other for some time, we planned a night out at a local watering hole.
Always a good sidekick, I brought Oreggano along for the festivities. With limited patio dining, we sat inside and anxiously awaited the departure of other patrons to leave the highly coveted patio. Oreggano had the best visual and would alert me of said acts, “Oh, oh, they’re standing up. They’re leaving. Go!” A few times, the alert wasn’t soon enough and others beat me to the table. Oreggano found this entertaining, “I just like to see how fast you’ll get up and run.”
Once on the patio, we were joined by Wanted’s friend, BamRight?!?! Although BamRight?!?! went to school with us, I didn’t remember him. “I was voted most likely to go to jail,” he told me in an attempt to jar my memory. “Did you go?” I asked. “Yeah, but just two nights. It was because I was making fake IDs. They were really good. I made one for her (pointing to Wanted). Bam!” He then extended his arm for a fist bump. This became standard procedure, especially following ‘Bam!’ and ‘Right?!?’
“Everybody wanted to get with her. I mean, everybody. Right!?!?” he told us. “You realize she is sitting right next to you and you could just speak with her directly.” I informed him. He laughed, extended his arm in what appeared to be a flexing motion, and said, “I work out a little bit. Bam!” After which, yep – you guessed it, he extended his arm for a fist bump. “Emphasis on the little bit,” Oreggano quipped.
On My Terms and her sister, also alumni, eventually left. On My Terms would have stayed longer, but she likes to do things on her own terms. Thus, it was just Wanted, BamRight?!?!, Oreggano and I. BamRight?!?! was generously purchasing drinks and they were flowing – just like his stories. He told Oreggano and I how he “got with her in high school.” Wanted, still sitting next to him, corrected him and advised us that was not, in fact, true. He giggled, again, teased the fist bump, and said, “I was just kidding. Bam!”
This discussion led to another discussion about sex and relationships. BamRight?!?! told Oreggano that he’d like to have sex with me and that it would only take twenty minutes. “Just twenty minutes?” Oreggano asked. “Nah, I was just kidding. It will only take eight,” he replied and then added, “Bam!” “Do you ‘Bam!’ and fist bump your wife?” I asked him. He laughed, threw in a “Bam! Right?!?!” and then extended a fist bump in everyone’s direction. “We just had a three-way. Bam!” he laughed.
During this time, Oreggano was texting Cream Of Tartar. “Who are you texting?” BamRight?!?! asked. “My husband.” “What are you telling him?” “That I’m drinking with a very funny Asian man.” “What did he say?” “Well I told him you were an attorney and he told me we already have an Asian attorney.” “I can do other things.” “Like fist bump,” I whispered to Wanted. “He suggested that you be our math tutor,” Oreggano advised him. I’m not sure about that one. He fist bumped three girls and called it a three-way. Last I checked, three girls plus one guy is four. So much to keep track of on one night – so many fists to bump, so little time.