Day two of shenanigans with Sleepless began early. I met up with her and Ice Cream Man and we tooled around the downtown area for several (six, maybe seven) hours.
Ice Cream Man was pretty excited because he and his best friend had tickets to Kenny Chesney, “I know he is going to ‘come out’ when he sees me,” he told us. “Do you want to be with Kenny?” I asked. “No, I just know he’ll come out once he lays eyes on me.” “Wow,” Sleepless replied.
Wow was right for so many reasons. Ice Cream Man opted against driving to the concert (a good idea considering our afternoon activities) and instead secured a limousine for transport, “He isn’t our driver. Don’t call him ‘driver.’ He is our friend. He has been driving us around for at least fifteen years.” Based on that explanation, I guess that makes me MiniMe’s friend and not her driver.
Sleepless and I had prior engagements and were in the middle of one of them when Ice Cream Man assured her they could get us into the sold out concert. As a result, the plans with Progressive and Iced Tea were placed on hold. Unfortunately, or perhaps not, they were not able to get us into the concert and instead retrieved us from my home, in the limo, to take us to a country bar on the West side of town.
Before they arrived, Ice Cream Man informed Sleepless that his friend “did not want to be taking care of anyone.” Sleepless and I assumed he met me and, being that I had no idea who this man was, I didn’t have any interest in having him taking care of me. Besides, as has been mentioned on more than one occasion, I am a Sugar Self. That said, however, I needed to find a purse small enough to conceal and large enough to hold our IDs, money and lip shimmer. “I think we should take this Rand McNally SafePac,” I advised Sleepless. “We are heading twenty minutes West of here so it is like going on a road trip and you know how it is when you travel – you stand a very good chance of getting mugged. I don’t want to take any chances.” “Good idea,” Sleepless concurred.
Once at the bar, Sleepless and I behaved like tourists and took loads of great photos. We also attempted to line dance. “If you don’t know the moves,” she advised me, “just kick and stomp. They won’t notice.” She was right and we kicked and stomped for about 30 minutes. At one point, I was dancing and Ice Cream Man’s friend said to me, “What was that move?” Before I could answer he continued, “I wouldn’t do that ever again.” Sleepless and I had moved on to better things, capturing a candid shot of one of the bar natives, when Ice Cream Man informed us they were ready to go.
Ice Cream Man and Sleepless were ahead of me, getting into the limo, and Ice Cream Man’s friend was behind me. His friend pulled me toward him and said, “Hold on.” “What?” I asked. “Nevermind,” he replied. “What was that all about?” I asked. “I was going to have sex with you, but I changed my mind.” “Really?” I replied, “Wow.” In addition to the fact that I was not at all interested in having sex with this person, and completely astounded by the fact that he thought I would oblige, we were in the middle of the sidewalk in front of the bar and adjacent to a major street.
Once in the limo, the friend instructed their friend (the driver) to take me home. I assumed this had to do with the fact that we didn’t have sex on the sidewalk. A few minutes later, the friend (not the driver) started speaking in the third person and asking why he was bad and why nobody liked him. I didn’t engage, Ice Cream Man was essentially passed out, and Sleepless attempted to validate him (a practice regularly used with Alzheimer’s patients and, now, drunk assholes). Seconds after this, the non-driving friend looked over at me, said, “Negativity.” Then shouted to his friend (the driver), “Let’s get Negativity home now. Hurry, let’s get her out of here.”
As this individual was kicking and stomping like a child, I was enjoying the ride in the limo, Ice Cream Man was passed out, and Sleepless was beside herself. She scooted over to the driving friend, gave him my address, and advised him we would both be exiting at that address. This resulted in additional third person comments about why nobody wanted to go to his house. Sleepless, tired of the validation theory, replied, “You were pretty clear about the fact that you wanted us to go home.”
We arrived at my house, Ice Cream Man came to, and the friend continued with his behavior, only this time he had a different tune because Sleepless had exited the vehicle; I was waiting for him to move so I could do so myself. “I didn’t do anything, I swear. I don’t know why they’re mad,” he was exclaiming to Ice Cream Man. “Tell him,” he said while looking at me, “Tell him I didn’t say or do anything.” “Well, you were pretty adamant about the fact that I be taken home and we’re here now so I’d just like to oblige you and exit the vehicle. Excuse me, please.”
While exiting the limo, I thought about doing a few of the moves I had learned earlier, specifically the ‘kick and stomp,’ but I figured he would third person kick and stomp himself later.