Confile

As most know, I am a huge fan of the public library. This week, I was pleased to learn that Mad Men Season Four was on the hold shelf awaiting my retrieval. I wasted no time collecting the DVD set and immediately began watching it. Being an avid skier and a professional (both are lies), my time has been limited, so I typically end up watching the series late at night. Last night, after viewing six episodes, I decided to go to sleep. Or, as Tree refers to it, ‘nap.’

A few hours later, I woke up with a desire to style my hair like that of Joan P. Harris – the saucy and voluptuous office manager. So, I pulled out the bobby pins and french twisted my hair like nobody’s business. I then grabbed a mirror to check it out and was blown away by what I saw. First and foremost, my french twist was superb. Second, I was not keen on my profile. In fact, if I had to weigh the pros and cons, I definitely had a confile, not a profile, there was nothing positive about that side shot.

While eating lunch with Sleepless and Q, I shared my recent observation. “From this day forward, I am only going to look at people square on – so they won’t see my confile.” “I’ve never noticed your profile,” said Q. “Well, that’s because I’ve not french twisted until now,” I replied and continued on with my ranting. “They shouldn’t call them mug shots at the jail – they should call them what they are, confile shots. Just a bunch of bad side shots of, not ironic, convicts. And forget about profiling, call it what it is, confiling – looking for the bad or the cons in people.”

I was on a roll and, while looking them square on, continued still, “Grade school photos are to blame, they completely had me fooled. For years – most of which were long before Photoshop – my mom bought the silhouette student photo package. You know the package. Looks like a regular picture with a faded side shot floating to the left of your face.” Both Sleepless and Q nodded their heads as if to say yes. “Well, my confile looked good then, cute even. Now, not so much. Very deceiving. For once in my life, I know how Barbra Streisand feels.”