Tree is always talking about having a reality TV show, “This is the ninth season of my show,” he told me last week. “Don’t watch seasons seven and eight, they were horrible.” Today, while walking to lunch with It’s The Eyes, Oreggano and Tree, it was obvious that we were on the set of his show.
He had been asked to work a shift for someone and already had plans for the evening. “Should I just say I’m out of town?” he asked us. “Sure,” said Oreggano. “I mean, you are in a different county.” This part was true, however, the county in which we were walking was only 15 minutes away from the county in which Tree worked. “That’s not a lie, right?” Tree asked. “It’s not a lie,” It’s The Eyes informed him and added, “Those are the kind of lies I always tell.”
Once we were at our table, I immediately poured a glass of water. “Who has time for water when there are all these booze to drink?” Tree asked. “Isn’t there water in the wine?” asked It’s The Eyes. “They do water the grapes. So, in a sense, yes,” I said and took a sip of my wine.
We ordered our meal, per Tree’s suggestions. As we (most of we, anyway) were enjoying the salad, Oreggano shared her opinion of it, “Not a fan.” Tree replied, “Well, we all like it, so screw you.” “Wow,” Oreggano responded. “Yes, wow,” I said. “Why are you so upset with her for not liking the salad?” “Just in the mood to fight,” said Tree.
“Speaking of fighting,” I attempted to change the subject, “we stopped and ate Mexican fast-food last night and had to resign to the fact that some Mexicans must dream of coming to America to serve food to rude, white, drunk people in the middle of the night.” “Yes,” It’s The Eyes agreed and added, “They talk about the American dream. That’s the Mexican dream.” “We’ll have to ask FatGirl,” Oreggano quipped.
Tree brought the topic of conversation back to him. “My birthday is in December, but I’m thinking of having it in June as well.” “Why June?” Oreggano asked. “Because everyone is busy in December and I’d like to give them a second chance to celebrate it,” Tree replied. “Very thoughtful,” said Oreggano.
“Speaking of celebrations,” I interjected, “Did you hear about the new grocery store in town?” We began discussing the stores and I mentioned the Fresh & Easy chain. “Fresh & Easy? Isn’t that a feminine hygiene product?” Tree asked. “That’s what I thought it was,” It’s The Eyes said while nodding her head at Tree. “Horrible name for a grocery store,” Tree continued. “Makes me think of a woman in a white dress, running down the beach, smelling like spring flowers and vinegar.”
It was at about this time that our butterscotch budina arrived. No, this is not a sexy server with olive skin, it is a dessert. “I like this,” said Oreggano, “And I’m not much of a dessert person.” “Or salad,” Tree quipped. “This is like whipped cream – even better,” It’s The Eyes told us. “It is whipped cream,” Oreggano informed her. “Oh, would anyone like some gum?” It’s The Eyes did a nice job taking the attention off of her comment and putting it on her gum selection. “That is quite a selection,” Tree observed. “I like to have a variety. A couple of mints, a couple of fruits,” It’s The Eyes told him. “I like having a couple of fruits around,” Tree said, looked around the room with a sheepish grin, and finished his budina.