Several days throughout the year are very special to me, sacred even. National Drink Wine Day (which Oreggano and I sacredly celebrated – unannounced), Talk Like a Pirate Day and National Corndog Day. Not surprisingly, many of my friends also hold these days near and dear to their hearts – Alice, in particular.
Even though she is a pescatarian, she respects and celebrates the corndog. Last year, we took our flashing ‘dawg’ pins and grabbed a corner table at the local eatery where I enjoyed a corndog and she enjoyed tots.
This year was no different, except for the amazing addition of Pabst Blue Ribbon trucker hats – courtesy of Alice, and a few more people at the corner table. That’s Not Chinese, Oreggano and Subwoofer also decided to join in the celebration.
“Can’t beat spending a day with your girls eating corndogs,” That’s Not Chinese proclaimed. “It’s nice to be with girls,” said Subwoofer, “I’m usually with boys.” “Yes, it is nice to be with girls,” I agreed and added, “Especially girls with class.” It was at this time that Oreggano pulled into the parking lot and we could see the 99¢ specials from the car. Special moment for sure.
Subwoofer is not a lover of cornbread, thus, she has never had a corndog. She has also never had fry sauce, so today was a special day for her. Once we all received our dogs, tots, fry sauce and apple juice, we made a corndog toast – the mood was very special. Within seconds, Subwoofer was done. “I ate the whole thing,” she told us with pride. I offered her a courtesy brown topper for her efforts, but she wasn’t interested.
Once we got back to the house, we were sitting around the table, letting the trans fat digest and listening to Subwoofer’s iPhone – conveniently placed in a glass to boost the sound. As she was looking for this very classy speaker contraption, Subwoofer noticed some Peeps on a stick. “Mmmm, Peeps,” she said. “You can have them,” I told her. “Really?” she asked. “Absolutely, you earned them. You ate your whole corndog.”
As Subwoofer was enjoying the Peeps on a stick, That’s Not Chinese asked her a question, “Are you one of those types?” Without giving Subwoofer time to answer, That’s Not Chinese continued, “You just went down on a chick, so, there you go. Turns out she likes chicks. Good.”
The conversation naturally segwayed to headlamps. “The only thing I use my headlamp for is to paint my toenails,” Alice informed us. “What a great idea,” said That’s Not Chinese. “I’m learning so much this weekend.” Oreggano piped in, “I use mine to look for footprints left by fugitives.”
Alice and That’s Not Chinese started discussing something very important – could have been health care reform or whether or not to use a base coat. When, all of a sudden, Alice spoke to That’s Not Chinese with great conviction, “Hey, I know fuck about shit!” This was intense. Finger pointing and all. Dr. BJ giggled and said, “You know fuck about shit, oh my.”
We’ve all been around when one of these moments happen. No matter which conversations are taking place, what music is playing or appliances are running, everything shuts down abruptly, and all time, space and energy is hanging on that moment. “See,” I told Subwoofer, “Girls with class.”
It was about this time when Passed The Sniff Test arrived with corn dogs. “Thought I’d reload your corndog supply,” he said and then threw down a bag of dogs on the table. Oreggano and I wasted no time to have another. “Are you seriously having another?” asked Alice with disgust. “Don’t judge,” Oreggano said while taking another bite. Even Subwoofer couldn’t resist and grabbed another when Alice wasn’t looking. This time, however, she didn’t eat the whole thing – she peeled off the cornbread and just ate the dog. Regardless, Oreggano and I were proud of her efforts.
If we keep up this diet, we’ll go from being ‘girls with class’ to ‘girls with ass.’