Weekends seem to be the best time to enjoy brunch, replace the water filter on your fridge, and have ‘the help’ move your exes belongings out of your basement. Being the domestic goddess that I am, I prepared breakfast tacos for MiniMe and I this weekend. As we were eating, I was discussing The Baby-Sitter’s Club and mentioned one of my favorite descriptions from the series, “Abby only likes two things about Valentine’s Day, and romance isn’t one.” I find this line incredibly well written – very funny – and I couldn’t stop laughing. MiniMe, in a solelmn voice, said, “Sometimes I think the reason people think you are so funny is because you laugh at your own jokes.” “A-ha,” I replied, “So if I laugh, they’ll think what I said must have been funny?” “Yes,” MiniMe said while rolling her eyes and finishing brunch.
After brunch I headed to That’s Not Chinese’s house to provide support while her exes belongings were being moved out of her basement. The belongings had been there for some time, about a year. Over the last few months, one of her cats has taken to sleeping, spraying and peeing on some of these belongings. Thus, the basement was not a place I planned to frequent. Nor did That’s Not Chinese, MyFace, Dr. BJ or Meat Lover – the Gods of the household were, as they say in the hip hop scene, in da house.
Being that we are in the throws of Chinese New Year, it seems fitting that we were all there for That’s Not Chinese – especially Zao Jun. I’m not sure which one of us was Zao Jun, per say. I would suggest me, because I made breakfast this morning, but I am holding out for another God position. If you don’t know the story of Zao Jun, you should definitely research it. Without giving too much away, be careful of what you throw into the kitchen hearth – you may only be able to salvage one leg and it may belong to Zhang Lang.
That’s Not Chinese’s ex was not present and had solicited help (or as Dr. BJ and I referred to them, ‘the help’) from her friends. One of ‘the help’ happened to be an ex of Dr. BJ. He wasn’t a nice guy, hence the reason he is an ex. Dr. BJ and I took our regular position, on the stoop, and chatted about life while watching ‘the help’ move the belongings into the moving van. We were definitely Qiye and Baye – the famous Chinese Gods who are best friends and giants, literally, in street parades. As we were throwing a few parade waves to the help, That’s Not Chinese approached us laughing, “You’re gonna love this one, your ex (Dr. BJ’s that is) just said, ‘You know, this would be a lot easier if those two (Qiye and Baye) would help.'” Dr. BJ and I gave an exaggerated laugh, complete with a long throw back of the head and neck. “Ain’t nothing wrong with wanting,” Dr. BJ quipped.
It was about this time that Meat Lover and MyFace joined us on the porch. “It really stinks down there,” said MyFace. “I know,” said That’s Not Chinese with a Cheshire cat grin. “Don’t gloat, it’s not good,” said Meat Lover. “It’s fine,” said MyFace, “But it is a little passive aggressive. You need to move from passive aggressive to aggressive, I mean assertive. I have a black belt in karate.” Personally, I think pissive aggressive is more fitting.
As the Gods of That’s Not Chinese’s household each went their separate ways, she was left with a sense of gratitude, good fortune, empty champagne glasses, and Zhang Lang’s Leg.