Independence Enhanced

Getting dressed can be a bit of a challenge for me, for a lot of reasons. Sometimes, as I’ve mentioned in the past, it is because my dryer is far too efficient, thus shrinking things that appeared to fit yesterday. The other reason is zippers – they can be a bit of work depending on the location. Zippers on the back seam of a dress are a major challenge. One day, I tried to put on a dress with a back zip and could only zip it halfway. By the time I got it off, because I couldn’t get it up (double entendre for your reading pleasure), I felt like I had just re-enacted the ‘kicking my ass’ scene from Liar, Liar. After that incident, I did some online research for cool inventions designed to assist with situations such as these. The best and only match was Handicapped Equipment – Dressing Aids for the Disabled Can Enhance Independence. My independence is my disability and I am quickly learning that living alone requires a lot of tools. First the rabbit, now the dressing aid stick.

This morning, I got dressed and headed to a meeting which was near one of my favorite coffee haunts. After the meeting I rewarded myself with a lovely ivory mocha, topped with a chocolate covered espresso bean. I like to wait until the bean is melted and then I eat it. I did that this morning and then went about the rest of my morning. After a few stops, I took a look at myself in the mirror and found my boobs also quite liked the chocolate espresso bean – I had melted chocolate all over my chest. Class.

I went home, changed my shirt, and returned to work. As I walked into a meeting one of my coworkers complimented me on my outfit, “You look nice. Did you have a special meeting earlier this morning?” “Thanks. No,” I replied. Although I guess the chocolate on my breasts is, in a way, a special meeting. “You just look so conservative today,” she added. “I got dressed in the dark,” I quipped. I can guarantee the individuals who saw me earlier didn’t think I was the conservative type. After several more hours of relatively conservative behavior, I decided to call it a day. “I’m going home to get pregnant,” I told That’s Not Chinese. “Do it like only you can,” she advised me. And so, as any other independent person would do, I ‘got pregnant’ and headed to karaoke. I’m expecting to have a good time, with or without tools.