Shady Shag

I was working as “greeter” at a local furniture/carpet store today when a coworker approached me and asked why the exterior door was ajar. I didn’t know why and so I told him just that. He said he had a feeling it was because of the geriatric carpet department. Apparently most of the employees in the carpet department are older and the women freeze while the men are always hot. The compromise is having the door open. I thought “The Geriatric Carpet Department” was a bit too harsh and suggested we refer to them as “The Shady Shag”.

A few minutes later, a Shady Shag walked through the no longer ajar door. He was a man in his late forties/early fifties, nicely dressed, about 4’9″, wearing a horrible hairpiece – aka, Shady Shag. His wife was probably in her early forties, nicely dressed, about 5’3″ – 5’5″ with heels, with long, Crystal Gayle hair. Being a fan of the combover, I tried to figure out a way this dynamic duo could help each other out; more specifically, how she could use her long hair to help him with his Shady Shag. My idea: they could walk much closer together and she could do an extended combover, with her hair covering his head. Then, in addition to being the dynamic duo, they could have a dynamic do.

Later, I was sharing my stories with some coworkers. I asked Dandini (a master escapologist who always manages to magically disappear when we need help in the office) what came to mind when he heard the phrase ‘Shady Shag’. “Sketchy sex. Some kind of sexual activity that just wasn’t on the up and up. Pun intended.” Dandini could work for www.dating.about.com. According to their website, ‘When speaking of relationships, a shag isn’t a hairstyle, it is a gender-neutral reference to having sex.’ Unfortunately, ‘shady’ wasn’t in their glossary.