Duck Saver

I can’t believe my luck – a proper breakfast twice in one week! With Dr. BJ and MJ leaving for home today, we felt it was appropriate to enjoy homemade breakfast at my place. That’s Not Chinese and I planned the menu: French toast (emphasis on the French), eggs, fakin’ bacon, mimosas and coffee. The instructions for the fakin’ bacon did not include an oven option, so we had to use our own judgement. Sketch. The thing with fakin’ bacon is it doesn’t fake burn, it really burns. Guess 30 minutes on high broil wasn’t good judgment.

After transporting the boys to the airport, That’s Not Chinese and I opted for a lovely afternoon walk in the park. By our side was our trusty guard dog, No Action Jaxon. We made our way to the ducks and started sharing our bread with them. That’s Not Chinese was a bit bothered by the selfishness of some of the bread recipients. It was about this time when I threw a few bits of bread out to the ducks and geese, and one of the seagulls swooped in for retrieval. Being that it was Mother’s day, the mama duck was not going to stand (or float) for that. She and several other members of the Anatidae family started attacking the seagull. It was on. Duck fights in the park. That’s Not Chinese started hootin’ and hollerin’ (aka, bird calling) and attempting to make her way into the pond to save the seagull. Then her flip flop and her right foot got stuck in the mud – they’re flip flops, not flippers. I’m not sure who was flailing more, her or the Anatidaes. I asked her what she planned to do once she got in the water, “Have you saved ducks before? Are you some kind of secret duck saver?” She had no response. I shared the story with Dr. BJ via text. His reply, “She’s suppose to throw bread at the geese, not herself.” That’s Not Chinese was so traumatized she wanted to leave the park immediately. I wanted to stay and catch one more fight – rightly so, it’s Mother’s Day.

We made it back to my house without incident and decided to paint our nails and watch documentaries in which we have cameo (not to be confused with cameltoe) appearances. That’s Not Chinese was sitting on the floor and I was sitting at the table. She offered me one million dollars to hand her wine glass to her. I knew she didn’t have one million dollars, and didn’t want her to feel bad when she couldn’t follow through with the agreement, so I sort of tossed it her way. Had the handoff/catch been better, it might have ended better for That’s Not Chinese. She was covered with wine, as were my walls, floors, and table. My ending, however, was a bit better. I sipped a glass of grigio while That’s Not Chinese cleaned my floor.