Bidets and Confused

There are some days when certain topics are brought up in several different circles – today was one of those days. While in a meeting, we were discussing some of the new tenants in the building. The majority of these new tenants are very heatlhy, environmentally conscious, waste conserving, birkenstocks and socks types. Unfortunately, what is good for the goose is not always good for the gander. Ever since the new tenants moved in, the bathrooms have taken on a whole new level of smell – to the point that it was discussed in management meeting. I didn’t feel the topic warranted much discussion, so I summed it up like this: healthy eating stinks, literally. Then I got in my gas guzzling vehicle and headed to the nearest fast food restaurant for a corn dog.

After work I got the privilege of dining with That’s Not Chinese, who just returned from the Dominican Republic. She was telling me about her fabulous vacation and was very excited to share with me her favorite and funniest story from the trip.

The place where she and her friends were staying had a bidet in the bathroom. This was a feature that was pleasing to many of the guests, for many reasons. Many of the guests, except for Velma.

Velma had never used a bidet, nor did she understand how to do so – which is funny, because Velmas are cartoonically really good at figuring out mysteries. Velma humbly asked That’s Not Chinese to show her how to use the bidet. Being a kind and patient soul, That’s Not Chinese obliged.

A few hours later, Velma gave it a go. Unfortunately, That’s Not Chinese failed to mention one important tip: the bidet is not meant to be used as a toilet. Poor Velma, she was bidets, confused and embarrassed.