Yesterday I discovered a pleasurable place, one I’ve been to before, but it has been a really, really long time: the public library.
The public library is such an incredible gift to taxpayers and homeless people. I was with Fru Fru Pants and we were actually working a Health Fair. Once we got a whiff of the paperbacks – which took a while after the strong whiff of the GPC, medications seeping out of pores, body-odored peeps with us on the elevator – we couldn’t not sneak away to peruse the shelves.
Perusing was a great idea because Fru Fru Pants had been in a bit of a mood. She told me she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I encouraged her to trade sides with Blaze later – maybe waking up on the other side will help with her mood.
I spent the day listening to and watching all of my library finds. I was in heaven! Just as I was getting ready to watch The Diary of a Nobody, a British film about a man’s journal, a vlog of sorts, Fru Fru Pants invited me to stop by her house for a glass of wine and hot tubbing. Can’t pass up that offer! Be nice if Jesus could work his magic on the hot tub and then I’d just pack my swimsuit and a straw!
Just as I was leaving to Fru Fru Pants’ house I got a call from CounterCat. Apparently she signed us up for a mud run (5K) in two weeks and we are going to be zombies, both in the run and in a wedding movie. I’ve done mud facials and have had runs in my nylons, however, mud and run together is not a combo I have yet experienced. I’ve also never been a zombie, but I’ve seen Zombieland. Maybe I should watch a movie about 5Ks, so I’ll be ready for that beast. Running really doesn’t make much sense to me. I mean, if you’re not being chased, why run?
as a zombie, you have a perfect excuse to take your time. as a “happy meal” for a zombie you have motivation to run. May I suggest fru fru dresses as a zombie, and you can be her happy meal? or if that doesn’t work for you, you can be the O.Z. (original zombie) jesus, and “bless” your water bottle for some delicious wine to motivate your running. of course someone will need to bring like, a zillion fishsticks.
this response will likely :
a) endear me to atheists (thank you)
b) endear me to zombies
Good advice, as usual, Area Man. The “happy meal,” is always a good motivator. Fru Fru might like that idea. Although dressing up for her might only involve zombie pasties and combat boots.
The O.Z. Jesus is also a great idea. I bless my water bottle on a daily basis – sometimes it works, sometimes not. Depends on who prepared my water bottle.
And fishsticks – classic! Twinkies are a zombie favorite, I’ll pack them too!
Your response is endearing to me, as both an athiest and a soon-to-be zombie.
I didn’t realize zombies would have a need for pasties. death is usually a deterrent to:
a) self conscience
b) conscience
now that I know however, I think making a happy meal of such a zombie is a good reason to get bitten. that, and the lack of needing to get up for work on any given day.
edit:
a) self consciousness
b) consciousness
as of now. there are 4 options on the table. and I could have let it go at two, if not for my self-consciousness.
I think pasties are always a good accessory. They’re kind of like yellow, just good to have a little bit in the house.
Zombie Happy Meal, sounds tasty. Hope it involves twinkies.
If not for your self-consciousness, I wouldn’t have the privilege of hanging out with you and reading all of your options.