Shake it off

It has been some time since I’ve spoken with PD. A while back he packed up his Bushnell binoculars and hasn’t looked back or through the bushes, at least not that I’ve noticed (Peeping Duane).

He recently phoned me to discuss headlines (one of our favorite past times), which led to a discussion about a tragic incident experienced recently by a friend. “Never get out of bed for stupid shit,” said PD, “That’s my new my motto. You should also never push a fat guy off of a bike. Neither one ever ends well.” I sure miss seeing PD’s  eyes through the binoculars, the Ligustrum ovalifolium, and the stalking injunction.

Sleepless and I met up later in the day to celebrate her new residence. We went to a quaint little Mexican restaurant in a shady part of town. Nothing says “celebrate” like good food and drinks accompanied by drug deals and “I HOing”. After some riveting street entertainment and a call to police dispatch, we headed to the stores for a little shopping.

We decided to use the making room room at one of the retailers and I quickly learned the true meaning of being green. My stall had no toilet paper. It wasn’t that the dispenser was empty, because there was no dispenser. The only thing my stall had was a toilet.  Sleepless was kind enough to waddle over (her pants weren’t completely intact) and bring me a few squares. Prior to doing that, however, she offered me some advice, “Why don’t you just sit over there and shake it off until I’m ready? By the time I’m there with toilet paper you’ll be dry.” Besides toilet paper, the only thing missing from that scene was Muzak playing “That’s What Friends Are For.”

I made it home in time to share an always entertaining telephone conversation with S-Unit. A while back she was really sick, missed loads of work. “Not only did I have bronchitis, I had dehydration and exhaustion. Call me Lindsay Lohan.” I think I’ll just keep calling her S-Unit. Which is kind of close to Lindsay, or at least close to where Lindsay will be staying soon, the SN Unit of the Los Angeles County Jail.

Towards the end of our call, I shared a story with her about someone I used to know. At the conclusion of my story we both said, in stereo, “What a dick!” There was momentary silence and then S-Unit said, “Hello?” “Hello,” I replied. “Did we both just say ‘what a dick’ at the same time? Wow – I thought I was hearing my own voice back at me….echo, echo, echo.” Maybe I will call her Lindsay Lohan.