Q is comically convinced that I am pregnant. To assure her this is not the case, I decided to go shopping. I filled my cart with the obvious, a pregnancy test, and then added a few impulse buys: a family size bag of Doritos, Double Stuf Oreo, caramel honey frozen yogurt, sherbet ice cream pops and, most important for a female my age, Viactiv.
Taking a quick peek at my cart, I realized Q might be on to something. Thus, I took a picture of my shopping items and sent it to Q and a few other friends. Sadly, nobody seemed to notice my “results days sooner” combo. Allison Reynolds purse dump moment wasted.
As soon as I got home I took the test, opened the chips and cookies, and waited. While champing and chomping at the bit, Tree phoned and inquired about my current activities. “I’m eating and waiting to see how many pink lines this pregnancy test will have,” I advised him. “Why did you buy a pregnancy test?” he asked. “They were on sale. Three sticks for the price of two and a dollar off coupon. Plus, I’m proving someone wrong,” I told him. “Why do you have to go that far to prove someone wrong? Don’t you have to have sex to be pregnant?” Tree quipped. I dare him to ask that of Mary, Virgin Mary.
Oh, and I’m not pregnant.