Month: November 2013

FatGirl recently bought a brand new car and is loving it. Being that it is a major upgrade from his previous car, it has a lot more bells and whistles, which he both loves and doesn’t understand.

After leaving my house the other night he noticed a lit icon on the dash – he figured out it was a tire pressure indicator, assumed the air was low and filled the tires. Unfortunately, the icon remained lit, so he returned to my house for assistance.

“How butch are you?” he asked Ice Cream Man. “I’m not sure,” Ice Cream Man responded, unclear as to what FatGirl might be after. “Do you know how to use this thingy?” FatGirl asked him holding up a tire pressure gauge. “Yes,” Ice Cream Man replied and went outside with FatGirl to assess the situation.

Ice Cream Man returned and FatGirl drove off – safely, something that clearly wasn’t happening when he arrived. “He loaded 60 PSI in each tire,” Ice Cream Man, shocked, told us. “Twice the recommended amount. He’s lucky nothing happened!”

He is lucky nothing happened and it was a good reminder to me, as I continued to snack on the chips, brownies, and candy in front of me, that perhaps I should pay closer attention to my pounds per square inch (PSI).

It’s been a while since I’ve changed my hair so I decided to consult with my resident stylist, Rated R, for suggestions. “Red,” was her reply. “Maybe not all over, maybe just added in.” After finding a few photos of styles she liked, Rated R decided she might color her hair the same.

Kitchen Beautician arrived, equipped with an array of colors, ready to tackle our request. “You’re going to be my guinea bunny,” she told Rated R. “I like bunnies,” Rated R replied. As her color processed, Kitchen Beautician applied mine. Excited to see the final results, I washed and dried my hair. The red really took to the pigmentation in my ends – so much so that it turned hot pink. As much as I liked it, I knew I couldn’t keep it. “That’s not media hair,” Live Longer told me. She was right. I was a hot (pink) mess, so I decided to cover the color with an all-over dark hue. Fortunately, this trick worked. In addition, Rated R’s color took. Surprisingly, however, although we used the exact same colors on both of our hair, my hair was lighter and more violet. Regardless, it looked fantastic!

After everyone left, I decided to research ‘guinea bunny’ online and, based on my findings, I think Rated R and I  should definitely go back to being plain old guinea pigs.

 
Can Rabbits and Guinea Pigs Mate?

When a rabbit reaches sexual maturity, it can sexually molest a guinea pig resulting in injury or even death. Do not under any circumstances house a rabbit with a guinea pig.

Source: www.ask.com

After walking to the liquor store with That’s Not Chinese we decided we deserved to enjoy one of the bottles in our shopping cart. So, we popped the cork, grabbed a bag of potato chips and assumed our position on the stoop. Wine reduction, take one.

Just before we finished the bottle and That’s Not Chinese departed I received a text message from Live Longer, “Big Bounty and I are cooking and drinking. Want to join us?” I, of course, did and asked what I could bring. “Nothing or red wine. But I probably have tons in the basement.” I grabbed a bottle of red wine and made my way. Wine reduction, take two.

I arrived to find Live Longer and Big Bounty donning aprons, doing Julia Child impersonations and drinking wine. They immediately handed me an apron and a glass of red wine and the cooking shenanigans continued. Big Bounty decided it was time for the wine reduction, spoke in her very best Julia voice, and then took a sip directly out of the bottle before pouring it in the pan. So Julia of her. Wine reduction, take three.

About two hours into my arrival Live Longer told me, “I probably should have told you we aren’t eating any of this until tomorrow,” and opened another bottle of wine. Wine reduction, take four.

Fortunately, Tree and Awkward decided to join us for a glass, reducing our actual wine consumption, but adding to the reduction efforts. Wine reduction, take five.

By the end of the night we were probably, cumulatively, five or six bottles in and, having not really eaten, completely out. Wine reduction, fade out and end scene.

Years ago I watched a training video about elder adults in a county housing unit. One of the women, after learning of several of her neighbors dying and many people not remembering them, decided the best way to be remembered was to wear a large flower in her hair. Occasionally, typically when walking the hood with That’s Not Chinese, I do the same.

Today, in need of more wine, I invited That’s Not Chinese to go with me to the wine store. When she arrived at my house, I suggested we walk. “I had a feeling you might suggest something like this,” she said while I strapped on my orthopedic boot and then grabbed my collapsible shopping cart with seat – a nifty gadget I acquired when donning my sling. “Wow,” was her only comment.

We walked a ways and came upon a rose bush that we had passed many months before and, just like before, we decided to pick a flower and put it our hair. We soon arrived at the liquor store, filled up the cart, and began to make our way home. That’s Not Chinese made a pit stop at the city library to use the loo and while she did I decided to give the seat on my shopping cart a try – it worked beautifully. It also generated a lot of stares. When That’s Not Chinese exited the library and people saw we both had flowers in our hair – more stares.  “We’re such city girls!” That’s Not Chinese excitedly exclaimed. Yes, we are and, like the elderly woman with the flower in her hair at the county housing unit, we’ll most likely not be forgotten by those who saw us today.