Prison haircut

Paid a visit to my favorite BumpIt Beautician today. I always enjoy spending several hours at the salon and today’s experienced topped all previous visits. I had the privilege of sitting next to Verna and Sissy. Verna and Sissy weren’t there together, however, recognized each other between the hair stations. Once the recognition was made, the stories were flying.

Verna decided to pamper herself with a manicure, pedicure and a perm. “A perm?” Sissy asked. “Hell ya,” said Verna. “I’m still in the 80s. Right down to my hair, my friends, my tats and my charges.” Her laughter after this comment filled the room. Sissy and Verna began reminiscing when Sissy looked my way and said, “Me and her used to steal cars together. Verna, ‘member when I stole that car and then you got caught? That was so funny.” They started dropping names of other friends – Boxer, Smooth, SugarBear, Sleepy and Whispers – which made me a little jealous, those are some good nicknames.

Sissy told Verna she “had a real bad addiction” but started going to church and it has changed her ways. “I love church,” she told Verna. Verna concurred and Sissy asked her the name of the church she attends. Verna drew a blank. Sissy snapped, “You don’t go to church. You don’t even know what your church is called. Doesn’t matter. Living in a garage doesn’t make you a car and going to church doesn’t make you a christian.” Perhaps it was the ammonia, but this salon visit was getting better and better with each perm rod.

As they were finishing Sissy’s hair one of the stylists asked her what her hair used to look like. Sissy advised her it was a longer mullet of sorts, cut by herself. Sissy had come in for a makeover, and her stylist, “I’m King of the Roundbrush. No, wait, I’m Queen of the Roundbrush”, had done a fine job taking care of her. Sissy looked in the mirror and said, “I’ve wanted to get my hair cut this way ever since I got out of prison this last time.” Queen of the Roundbrush replied, “Well, girl, you look good. Now you just need to go get yourself a cute little outfit from Walmart.”

BumpIt Beautician was blowing out my hair with the roundbrush and told me, “I’m getting really fast at the roundbrush.” Yes, she was. I only came in for a color and, almost four hours later, was almost done. One of the other stylist came up to me and whispered in my ear, “I would not recommend a cute little outfit from Walmart to go with your new do. Nordstrom, honey. You didn’t get a prison haircut.”

43 thoughts on “Prison haircut”

  1. Nordstrom all the way.
    Although as I contemplate your blog I do get the feeling that we will all know someone soon who will be sporting a prison haircut.

  2. I thought you might agree with that advise. I struggle with buying “soft lines” from the same store that I purchase cleaning supplies.
    Speaking of cleaning supplies, you may be on to something!

  3. as a bald tattooed area man (who incidentally fits all the descriptions of “unknown male” on AMW) I have to take umbrage to your characterization of “prison” style haircuts. they can be quite fetching. case(s) in point:

    a) me and my freshly shaven, shiny head (quite a popular look in prison)
    b) whatever my meth addict brother happens to be sporting, right now. (quite “popular” in prison)

  4. Area Man, you may fit all the descriptions of “unknown male” on the census as well.
    Taking umbrage is a favorite pastime for those doing time. I won’t argue that the prison style isn’t fetching. Many felons have been known to have good hair.
    Having visited the prison, I can confirm you and your do would be “appreciated”.
    I’m sure your meth addict brother is sporting something very unique right now. Any chance I can see a pic of him? Mug shot on the jail roster somewhere?

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