While I was locked outside my house wondering, with the locksmith, how I was going to get inside, Oper was at her house remembering a famous children’s book about a girl with locks of gold and wondering, “Who the hell broke into my house?”
Just as I latched my door shut, Oper opened hers to find a man in her mud room, costuming. She immediately beckoned her beau who questioned the costumed intruder, “Who are you? What are you doing? How did you get in?” He then kindly asked the man in drag to change out of their costumes, get back in his own clothes, and leave the home.
I arrived ‘on scene’ approximately one hour later and had many questions. “Did you take a picture?” “Did you call the police?” “You kindly asked him to leave AND walked him to the front door?” “I’m taking notes. May I please get a description?”
Black skirt, knee length
Lingerie top
Satin half jacket
Black and white clown leggings
Red dinner gloves
Black wig
“He looked a lot like Miss Kitty Litter (drag queen),” said Oper’s boyfriend who then added, “Plus, he had a bike peg with a condom on it and appeared to have been on the computer.”
“A bike peg with a condom on it?” Where did he get the condom?” I asked. “He had a backpack full of them,” Oper replied. “You may want to check your computer for recent internet searches. Don’t be surprised if you find clown porn.” “Oh, I won’t,” said Oper who then looked at her beau and said, “He’s into that.” “I’m down with the clown porn. I once did some work with Hollie Stevens,” he informed me. “This will all be in my report,” I informed them.
We took a look at the crime scene, I asked to see the costume/evidence, and they informed me it was in the trash. “He was quite dirty,” Oper advised me. They then showed me how he broke in (doggy door) and said he asked about the unicycle as he was being escorted from the premises. “Is that your unicycle? Are you a unicyclist?” “Nosey,” I stated and added, “You should have sent him to my house – he probably could have gotten in quicker than the locksmith and I’ve got a great costume box.”
As I departed I told them something Sleepless and I have said time and time again, “Mustaches and wigs are good for parties, bad for felonies.”
Later that day Oper sent me a text, “After looking at the items our cross dressing intruder was collecting in the back room we believe he was collecting items to insert in his hiney…he is the butt burglar!” Probably a pretty accurate ASSumption.