If it weren’t for children and wikipedia, my knowledge would be very limited. While babysitting my niece the other day, she asked if I like spiders. “I don’t mind them,” I told her. “What about barking spiders?” she asked. “I’ve never seen one,” I told her. “You don’t see them, you hear them,” she told me and then farted. “Did you hear that barking spider?” she asked.
My stomach is sensitive at times and, as a result, I am very familiar with barking spiders. For the most part, my barking spiders are ventriloquists – they tend to be more internal and have far more bite than bark. The other day, after eating with a coworker, we decided to ride together to our next meeting. I got in her car and we started to drive, however, she became distracted because she couldn’t find her phone. I offered to call it for her and, while doing so, got distracted by my ventriloquistic barking spider who appeared to be holding a staff meeting in my belly. “This is just great,” I thought to myself, “I hope she can’t hear it.”
Even though the barking spider didn’t relent, and seemed to be acting up every few seconds, she appeared to not notice. I finally figured out that, although my stomach was sensitive, it wasn’t a barking spider after all. Her phone was on vibrate and I was sitting on it.