Lately it seems everyone is allergic to or intolerant of at least one food or liquid. For many, this is a legit situation. For many more, it seems to merely be a trend.
Prior to being severed I was telling a friend that I may, in fact be severed soon. As a result, an alternate form of income would be needed. Panhandling was an option I considered.
I figured a simple cardboard sign that read, “Anything Helps,” would go a long way. To go even further, I thought it would be fun to add a few stipulations as to what might actually ‘help.’
Once I was severed, I grabbed my Mr. Sketch markers, taped a PBR case and wine box together, and put this plan into action. As one might guess, ‘free’ was a common theme on the sign: gluten free, MSG free, free-range, dairy free, and so on. In addition, ‘no’ was a common theme: GMO is a no go and, most importantly, no hugs. The fact that a hug was requested of me by my boss after the besevering resulted in this incredibly important stipulation.
Once all of my stipulations were on the board I donned Live Longer’s t-shirt that reads ‘Anything Helps’ and, with the wine bladder in one hand and my sign in the other, headed to a nearby retailer where I gave panhandling my best shot.
My first thirty seconds proved fruitful – my friend’s mom gave me fifty cents. That’s more than a penny a minute. With pay like that, earned so quickly, I decided to take a break….a break that lasted the rest of the day. The sign read ‘Anything Helps’ and the fifty cents helped me get one-third of the way closer to a really delicious gluten full, non-kosher polish dog on an artisanal bun.
