Middle classy

A while ago I was out and about when Live Longer invited me to go to an impromptu Pilates class with her.

 

I was wearing jeans and nowhere near home so I stopped and purchased a pair of cotton pants that I thought would be perfect because they were baggy and had a drawstring waist – lots of room for movement.

 

Once on my body, however, they weren’t so baggy. I didn’t let this get in the way of my workout nor did I let it get in the way of my outfit selections.

 

When That’s Not Chinese invited me to join her and Unfazed for lunch at the pub I quickly changed out of my pajamas and threw on the non-baggy drawstrings.

 

“Totally saw you coming in those pants,” That’s Not Chinese told me as I walked towards the table.

 

Unfazed glanced over, said “Yep,” then continued drinking her beer.

 

We had a few drinks and a bite to eat then headed to the restaurant next door so I could grab food to take with me to Rated R’s house.

 

Due to the 20-minute wait, we decided to grab a drink at the bar and, because of state liquor laws, we had to eat again. My pants were working overtime but it was worth it because I was drinking a vintage chilled wine, Riunite Lambrusco.

 

Somehow, That’s Not Chinese has never had or heard of Riunite. Inconceivable. It’s hard to stay middle classy if you’re not drinking America’s best loved imported wine.

 

“Riunite on ice, that’s nice,” I told her while sipping my non-iced wine cooler in a fancy glass.

 

“Reunited and it feels so good,” That’s Not Chinese said while raising her glass for a toast.

 

I finally made it to Rated R’s house where more drinks and, of course, more food were enjoyed.

 

By the end of the night I was spent and so were my pants. As I lounged on Rated R’s couch, one leg hanging off the couch and the other resting on the back cushions, she looked at my crouch and started laughing.

 

Somehow – between the pub, the restaurant and the house – the crotch seam had ripped.

 

Unlike That’s Not Chinese, Rated R and I did not see this coming.

 

“Oops – peek-a-boo! It’s a good thing I’m wearing underwear today,” I told her then looked down to make sure I was actually wearing underwear.

 

Staying middle classy is easy for this lassie.