Unbeknownst to That’s Not Chinese, I had a gynecological appointment today. Attending these appointments with me is one of That’s Not Chinese’s favorite pastimes. Rightly so, my doctor is quite unique, as are her staff.
I arrived and received the standard treatment – weight and height check, vitals, and the receipt of a hospital gown and a sheet. “Don’t get unchanged yet,” the medical assistant informed me and added, “She wants to talk to you first.”
My doctor entered the room and the conversation began, “Anything interesting happening down there?” “Nope.” “What are you doing for birth control?” she asked. “I’m using an ancient trick – abstinence. So far, so good.” “Well keep doing that until you do something different. When you do something different, use a condom,” she advised. Sound advice – when doing ‘something different’ a condom is always a good choice.
We then discussed weight. “I feel like I’ve gained weight. Actually, I know I’ve gained weight and so do my clothes. My boobs, my hips, my stomach. Weight is everywhere. It’s strange because I’ve done more cardio this year than I’ve probably done in my entire life. I don’t think I’m overweight, I’m just over weight, literally. I’m tired of gaining.” “Well exercising doesn’t necessarily result in weight loss, in fact, muscle can cause weight gain. It’s really a matter of diet, and even with diet your butt will eventually move around to the front of your body. Then you’ll have no butt and all gut,” she informed me.
And with that, my appointment was over.