While at a barbecue with Tree, Awkward and FatGirl we discussed hoarding. As Tree and I were exchanging stories FatGirl asked Awkward, “Are you dirty?” I didn’t hear the question, rather, I heard Awkward’s response, “That was a rude question.” My maternal instinct kicked in and I asked FatGirl, “What did you ask him?” FatGirl relayed the story and said, “I wasn’t trying to be rude I just thought he looked like he might be dirty.” I then asked FatGirl how it was possible that he provide counseling to others. “Are you dirty?” FatGirl again asked Awkward, this time trying to pass it off as a sexual question. “Also inappropriate,” I advised him and added, “Boundaries.”
A little while later Tree and I were laughing about some recent articles on The Onion and referenced the headline, “U.S. Border Patrol Increases Staff by Hiring Cheap Immigrant Labor.” “Are you serious?” FatGirl asked. “Yep,” I replied. “That is really a story?” he asked. “It’s in The Onion,” Tree replied. “I can’t believe that! We crossed their border, they didn’t cross our border,” FatGirl told us. “You’ve never crossed any border,” Tree told FatGirl. “Maybe at Taco Bell,” I quipped. It took FatGirl two days to figure out The Onion is pure satire with a hint of reality.
I drove home to find my neighbors had, once again, forgotten we shared a driveway. Their cars were parked partially in the shared driveway and partially in their driveway. In addition, trash was scattered across the driveways. Unfortunately, this has become a regular occurrence with them. I shared my frustrations about this with my coworker, ROFL, who advised, “If she’s a bitch, just fuck him while she’s at work. Then she’ll move out, he’ll move out, it will work itself out. Definitely need to fuck him. Bend over a lot when outside. Change the focus of your attempts to resolve.” Although his plan might work, and they are constantly ‘crossing the border,’ unlike FatGirl, I must maintain my boundaries.