I can’t take credit for this blog title, rather, must give credit where it is due: to the incredibly witty Celia Rivenbark.
Is it ironic that I was reading Chapter 8, Airlines Serving Up One Hot Mess, in her book, You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Morning, on my flight to New York? Yes, actually, it is.
Although the gate agents helped me keep “the France secret” (not to be confused with “Ancient Chinese Secret”) from MiniMe, which was nice, the rest of the employees weren’t too interested in making our flight magical.
As we waited to board we inquired about an upgrade to first class. Without even looking at our boarding passes or “status” the agent curtly told us, “$150 each.”
Once on the plane, and sitting in coach, we noticed there was an empty seat between us. I advised a flight attendant our seats were supposed to be next to each other and she replied, “I wouldn’t worry about it.” When the gentleman, with “the boarding pass to prove it,” informed us the middle seat was his, the flight attendant shrugged her shoulders and quickly walked away.
Middle seat man ‘graciously’ traded me seats despite the fact that he “booked the seat months ago.” Me too – I even have an itinerary to prove it. As we got ready to depart he noticed an empty seat on a row across the way and quickly moved. Once in the air I kind of wished he hadn’t moved, but only because my headphone jack didn’t work very well, his movie looked good, and I had a splitter just waiting to be used.
As the coach class bitch I am, and most likely always will be, I cheated on the crossword, plugged my $2 headphones into the shotty jack, and chair danced “like a white girl” – as Tree and Fat Girl would say – while listening to Fleetwood Mac’s greatest hits.
Due to my faulty equipment, the lyrics were a bit inaudible (like me when I sing in the car, shower or coach), “The….been told….you….crazy….I….know.” Though inaudible, I didn’t let it get me down and, like a gypsy, I continued to go my own way – I sang along (sometimes aloud), chair danced, took over both seats, and kept it (coach) classy.