Knowing we had the best caps in the big city, Sleepless and I headed to the local thrift shop to find camouflage tops and overalls to compliment them. We felt luckier than a two-petered dog to find two incredible pairs of overall shorts and two very similar camouflage tops that would be perfect for the fair. We took them home, pulled up our boot straps, put our hair in ponytails and braids and hopped in the car to pick up Ice Cream Man.
Being that he, too, had spent the previous evening celebrating their upcoming wedding, he was a bit hungover. “You know the best thing for a hangover?” he asked as he rolled out of bed to join us. “More drinking.” We agreed and encouraged him to grab his coonskin cap (yes, we bought one for him too) and white trash flask (breastmilk bag with whiskey in it) so we could get to one our favorite events – the Demolition Derby at the State Fair.
We arrived at the fairgrounds to find others with our same idea – not too dressed up, like they would be if going to Walmart, but looking good. They were wearing overalls, half shirts (splattered with redneck prints and sayings), no shirts, boots, caps and cowboy hats. We also saw some people who were real life rednecks. No lie. “Look at that guy – he is for real,” Sleepless said while pointing to a man with 70s style feathered hair, wearing Wranglers, a tight shirt, fanny pack and several gadgets – to include boondoggle.
After stopping to see the animals (an Ice Cream Man must – what ice cream man doesn’t like ‘kids’?), we enjoyed some of the finest deep fried foods the fair had to offer, grabbed some beers and found our seats in the stadium. We immediately observed a very slick couple and quickly redneckonized them as part of our group. Leave A Light On and her husband were truly dressed for redneck success. “You two look so great,” Sleepless told them. “I just got a fistbump for my NASCAR cap,” he proudly told us. “As you should,” Ice Cream Man stated and followed up with a fistbump.
The derby started and we were all happier than a tornado in a trailer park. We hooted, hollered and talked about entering next year – mostly so we could hang out in the cattle stables and wear matching coveralls. I’m interested in driving the car and told everyone I would practice my derby skills on the road over the next year. The derby, sadly, ended and several people in our group went home. Leave A Light On, her husband, Sleepless, Ice Cream Man and I opted to hang out like a loose tooth.
We grabbed more beers, did the large slide a few times, and tooled around the fairgrounds a little while longer. During which time, we ran into the mayor of a neighboring city who had concerns for our well-being; mine, in particular. “Will you please take her home with you tonight?” he asked Leave A Light On’s husband. “Umm, he’s my husband,” Leave A Light On advised him and then told me, “We’ll leave a light on for you.” Kind of her.
After several hours of the fair, which was far better than, but somewhat similar to, a family reunion at the prison, we decided to go find some food that would compliment our evening of drinking and attire. Within minutes we were at our favorite 24-hour Mexican restaurant. As we were enjoying our meals we noticed Sleepless had been in the loo for a bit. I checked on her to find she wasn’t feeling so well. Hard to determine if it was the deep fried fair foods, the alcoholic beverages or the most recent food consumption. Either way, it was the perfect ending of a redneck evening. Why fart and waste it when you can burp up and taste it?