Like many great artists, some of my best ideas come to me when I am in a remote and cozy location….or when I’m intoxicated.
If you’re familiar with Broadway, you are probably aware of the several variations:
Broadway – geographically located between 41st and 54th Street and 6th and 8th Avenue; maximum of 499 seats
Off Broadway – located in or outside of the geographical area above; seats more than 99, however, less than 499
Off Off Broadway – less than 100 seats; most likely not in the geographical area above
Last week, while in the pool, I came up with a new Broadway: Fuck Off Broadway.
How this happened was nothing short of spectacular. I lost my balance on my raft, spilled a little of my drink, and exclaimed, “Fuckity fuck and shim shiminy shit.” “What was that?!?!” YummYummy inquired with genuine interest. “I’m Mary Fuckin’ Poppins, that’s what.” YummYummy, not historically a fan of broadway and musicals, was pleased and made a suggestion, “I think you should add a little something special on the end, “I’m Mary Fuckin’ Poppins, bitch!”
Once in Manhattan, and as we made our way through the crowds near Broadway, we felt it might be a good time to suggest “Fuck Off Broadway” to others. YummYummy, always one to add a little flare to the production, made another suggestion, “I think we should say, ‘shim shiminy shitballs.'” Suggestion accepted and script revision in progress – searching for words that rhyme with shitballs.
Like many other Off Broadway shows, it may not take off right away. I think, however, if we offer spoonfuls of sugar and shots of vodka at the door, people will leave the show thinking they were just on a jolly holiday with Bert. “Shim shiminy shitballs,” they’ll exclaim as they leave, “I wish it weren’t last calls for alcohols.” Then, they’ll stumble out into the streets of Hell’s Kitchen, where the sidewalks and buildings will be covered with chalk art (aka, tagging) and the rooftops will behold chimney sweeps – more likely burglars or Toms who peeps – a ‘good’ scene, nonetheless. I have a feeling this is going to be superfuckincalifragilisticexplicitialidocious!