That’s Not Chinese and Unfazed spent several days in Chicago, after which, I retrieved them from the airport and then enjoyed dinner and drinks with them.
This was their first trip together and the first time That’s Not Chinese has farted in front of Unfazed. Whether one refers to it as farting, flatulence, passing gas, tooting, breaking wind, cutting the cheese, ripping one or butt burps, there are some people who are not too keen on such ‘behavior.’ Regardless of whether or not one is keen, farting is all part of the peristalsis process and considered a normal bodily function. That said, however, in modern society, not to be confused with fission-fusion society, farting in public is generally not socially acceptable.
Aware of this social norm, That’s Not Chinese did not fart in public with Unfazed. Instead, she waited until they were back at the hotel. As That’s Not Chinese shared this story with me, Unfazed drank her beer, unfazed. That’s Not Chinese went on tell me about her sister’s excitement this year on Mother’s Day. “She was so excited she told her husband, ‘I’m a real mom with a real boy.’ A real boy?!?! A real boy?!?!?” That’s Not Chinese said while moving her hands around like Pinocchio. Just like Pinocchio – who appeared to only have eight digits prior to becoming a real boy, but once real had ten digits – That’s Not Chinese has ten digits. Two of which soon became very busy.
As we were talking with her, it appeared she had started to pick her nose. “Are you picking your nose?” I asked. “I have to, I’ve got a crusty,” she replied. “Gross,” Unfazed stated. That’s Not Chinese, always the rebel, then put another finger up her other nostril. She was double digiting her nose. “That is not OK,” I advised her. “Unfazed is fazed,” Unfazed advised. “Look, I cannot wait until August for everything,” That’s Not Chinese replied. “What’s in August?” I asked. “I told her I would wait until August before farting or burping in front of her,” she replied. “Looks like that plan got trumped,” I said. “Exactly. So if I can fart and burp, I should also be able to pick my nose,” she told us. “No,” we stated in unison.
Once home, I sent That’s Not Chinese a text thanking her for dinner and reminding her, “You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.” She replied, “What about boils?”