Besides seeing films/documentaries, Ice Cream Man had only one other request while in San Miguel County: to hike. We decided to hike the two-mile, uphill trail to the St. Sophia gondola station. Traveling by gondola takes about 4.7 minutes, by foot, slightly longer. Sleepless and I agreed to the hike and off we went. As steep as the mountain was, we did not relent. Instead, we took breaks every now and again – primarily for photos. “The trick to getting us to do something like this is simple distraction and intermittent photo shoots,” I advised Ice Cream Man as he took pictures of us pretending to climb a pile of ice snow. “Did we think about checking a map before doing this,” Sleepless, always responsible, asked. “Did I think about checking a map?” was Ice Cream Man’s reply. Her concerns were real. As we toggled the mountainside I did wonder if we might end up like The Lost People of Mountain Village – a short 2009 mockumentary.
Luckily, we safely made it to the top and then descended upon Telluride utilizing the gondola. “We’re right on time,” Ice Cream Man advised us. Apparently he had planned for the hike to take us approximately one hour and we were within the hour. He also planned, at some time during the trip, to try to win a bet with Sleepless, which involved time and the gondola. The ride between St. Sophia Station and Telluride Station is 6.2 minutes and he waged they could copulate between one of the two ‘rides.’ “You’d have to hit it and quit it pretty quickly,” I advised him. “I can do it,” Ice Cream Man replied. “With a few minutes leftover,” Sleepless quipped. So far, Ice Cream Man is losing the bet.
Once in Telluride, Ice Cream Man saved our place in line while Sleepless and I attempted to purchase things with our good looks. Being that she was pretty and I was pretty neat, we didn’t understand when they wouldn’t accept our driver licenses as tender – something we both accidentally tried to do. Luckily, Ice Cream Man was close by and Sleepless used his credit card to ‘redeem her winnings.’
When the film ended, I inquired about the time. “It’s ice cream time,” Ice Cream Man excitedly replied. With that, we skedaddled over to the Ice Cream Social where, after gathering several Hump Smarter condoms (maybe they could use them on their 6.2 or less minute ‘ride’), I found Sleepless with two cones – one of which was dripping all over her hand. “Brilliant idea,” I said and grabbed two myself.
We decided to take a break from the festival and returned to our hotel (in the sex-free gondola) where we watched the not so sex-free, Best Little Whorehouse in Texas – twice. Like ice cream and us, good things (clearly) come in pairs.
With Hard Candy Christmas stuck in our heads, we returned to Telluride to meet up with Ice Cream Man’s dad, Da Bomb Pop, and family friends to celebrate Not So Reserved’s birthday. Being pretty much the only one not drinking, I, like the week prior, became the ‘chaperone.’ Although I handled my position well, Ice Cream Man had concerns, “You really picked the wrong week to quit drinking.” He was right. The drinks looked and smelled delicious, but I had to be responsible – like an eclipse, this is not something that happens often and requires either solar eclipse glasses or beer goggles to see it.
After hours of dining and imbibing, they brought Da Bomb Pop the bill. Since he had primarily participated in the latter of the two, I helped him do the math. “Do you hire out?” he asked as we finalized details. Good question and idea. With my ability to do math, incredible point-and-shoot camera, karaoke machine and occasional sobriety, I could really have a good business. I’ll have to really think about this next time I am on the gondola, while others are thinking about the money they are losing/winning.