I participated in a fake earthquake today or, as we liked to refer to it, a fake quake. Being that it was a drill, I knew exactly what time it would be taking place which really helped me time out my morning routine, that I don’t have.
I arrived at our designated location to find the person in charge was nowhere to be found, nor was the coffee. After a few others arrived we addressed the first priority: coffee. Then, we inquired about our superior, “An emergency manual fell off of his bookshelf and hit him in the head. He is dead.” I did as anyone in this situation would do – pretended to get a phone call from my actual boss saying I was needed back at the office. When that didn’t work, I moved the director sign to my desk and started delegating.
Within an hour we were receiving fake inquiries that started like orders from a personal trainer, “Exercise, Exercise.” Once we realized cardio wasn’t part of the request, we were able to make up really good “fake, fake,” information. Being that we didn’t know who was in charge, we took charge and created several social media sites. “What should we tweet?” one of the team members asked. “Have we received any exercise, exercise information from anyone?” I asked. “No,” he replied. “Hmmm. How about, ‘Wish I had fries to go with this shake.'” And so began the debauchery.
A few hours later, I received a text from our dead superior. “Exercise, Exercise. I thought you were dead,” I replied. A team member overheard that comment and, with a ton of guilt on his face said, “Oops. I was just kidding. Guess I shouldn’t joke about that in scenarios like this.” “An ‘exercise, exercise’ would have been helpful,” I told him while moving the director title from my desk and assessing the official credentials I had just received – a fake quake lanyard and a polyurethane badge holder sans badge. Transparency in government at it’s finest.
Twelve hours and a ton of carbohydrates and caffeine later, I still longed for fries with my shake. Instead, however, I think I best do a little exercise, exercise. On second thought, maybe I’ll just fake it.