Family Business

S-Unit’s parents are out of the country for her brother’s wedding. As a result, she and her sister are in charge of the family business. “I was ten minutes late opening the cleaners. My sister asked me, ‘Is this how you run a business?’ I reminded her I’m not running the business, I’m just in charge for a couple of Saturdays,” S-Unit told me after they had finally closed for the day. She went on to fill me in on her exhausting day.

“My mom specifically told me ‘no alterations,’ but a guy came in needing a button sewn on his pants and I’ve taken a class on sewing on buttons so I agreed to do it.” “You took a semester-long class on sewing on buttons?” I asked. “Yes. There were a few other things we learned, like sewing hidden zippers.” “How much did you charge him?” “Here’s the thing, I didn’t know how much to charge him so I just told him, ‘That will be $2 and I’ll have it done for you in a half hour.’ My sister said that was too little, especially if we had to pay for the button. Luckily, my parents were still at JFK and I was able to confirm the price with my mom. Looks like they’ll be able to stay in business for another week.” “Will you be there all week?” I asked, playing on something she had told me earlier in the week. “No, just on Saturdays,” she replied.

Later that evening, On My Terms and I went to a family-owned karaoke bar that has been around for years. Unlike my regular karaoke bar, where more warrants are served than drinks, this bar had a breathalyzer machine. Being that I was the designated driver, I decided to give it a blow. Seconds before my results posted, I received a message from the machine, “BLOW HARD NOW.” And so I did. My results: 0.00. “If I had more dollar bills I would blow all night,” I told La La Lovely and then suggested that her friend and his dad, who own a local personal injury law firm, start advertising on the breathalyzer machine. “Good idea,” he replied.

Also a good idea, would be for one of the patrons of the bar to frequent S-Unit’s family business. She was wearing the hell out of her pants and, as a result, it was difficult to know whether or not her zipper was down or just had difficulty staying up. Either way, she – all of us, really – would benefit from a hidden zipper; regardless of what any of us blow.