Completely pissed

Progressive is heading to England for the Carling Cup and has been learning British slang in preparation. After telling Sleepless and I that we would probably like an ‘uphill gardener,’ he told us about the friend who will be accompanying him, “He’s like you.” This comment was made directly to me with this disclaimer, “In a good way.” “In a good way? Really? What is that supposed to mean?” I asked. “Yes, what does that mean?” Sleepless asked. Comments like that usually only come from wankers.

Progressive then took out his phone to take a picture of me to send to his friend who, in a good way, is like me. To make the picture classier, I took the carnation from the centerpiece and put it in my mouth. This resulted in Sleepless also wanting to take a picture. It was like being at Sundance all over again. Or was it the police station? I get confused.

After Sleepless took my picture she asked me, “When are you going to have hair night for you?” These two were really taking the piss out of me. Here I thought things were tickety-boo and the next thing I know I’ve got bad hair and people who resemble me ‘in a good way.’  Although I could have my hair done at Wednesday Night Hair Night, I really just like hosting the event and I’m undecided on what to do with my hair right now. As a result, I’ve got several fortnights of regrowth. Sleepless wanted to get back to her comment, “Wait, wait, wait, that’s a fair thing to ask. I’d want you to tell me.” “Uh huh. It’s good to have friends,” I replied.

Several hours later, I made my way home and was dying to use the loo. Although we didn’t get completely knackered, we drank plenty of fluids and I really had to pee. I pulled down my tights and started to go, only, something didn’t feel right. I’d forgotten I was wearing knickers (not a common accessory for me). Blimey! I completely pissed me knickers. Clearly, my regrowth is the least of my worries. Maybe that is what Progressive meant about ‘a good way’ – his friend must not piss his pants.