A while back That’s Not Chinese and I were sitting on my porch discussing work and current events. Both involved tragedies. “See, this is why I travel. You never know when your time might be up or when you’ll lose your ability to easily access places. Life is too short,” I advised her.
She agreed and shortly after that discussion we booked our trip to France and the Netherlands.
Several months later we went to see Midnight In Paris. As we were buying our tickets we both noticed the cashier had a rare skin disorder, but neither of us said anything until after the movie. “Did you notice her skin?” I asked. “Yes, what was that? Do you think it was contagious?” That’s Not Chinese asked. “I’m sure it isn’t contagious but I don’t have any idea what it was. It almost looked like mold,” I told her. “You’re sure it isn’t contagious? She touched our debit cards,” That’s Not Chinese said and then was immediately distracted as we exited the dark theater into the bright light of the day.
“Ah shit, we’re still here. I was hoping we would walk out to Paris,” she moaned. “Nope. Not even close. We are, however, one jaywalk away from a RV retailer and a Kung Fu academy. That’s pretty diverse,” I replied. “Whatever. It’s not Paris,” That’s Not Chinese reminded me.
Some people believe that talking about others is bad karma. I don’t necessarily believe this to be true; even though I woke up the other day to find spider bites by my eye. Could this be a result of talking about the cashier? No. I refuse to believe that theory.
I was discussing the bites with coworkers when one of them mentioned the possibility of bed bugs. “Ew, no. These are just regular old spider bites,” I told them. “How do you know for sure? What kind of spider was it?” “I do not have bed bugs and I think it was the spider from that song, Itsy Bitsy,” I informed them and added, “Damn water spout.”
I came home and immediately Googled ‘bed bug bites’ and was reassured to see and learn that I do not have bed bugs. My bedroom smells like brown sugar fig, not cilantro (which I love), coriander, almonds or over-ripe raspberries. Plus, my bites (yes, I have two) lack the unique, linear three-bite pattern, commonly known as ‘breakfast, lunch, dinner.’
All of this research made me itch, in more way than one. I started feeling little itchyboos all over my body and, despite the bad rap New York hotels got in 2010, I got an itchin’ to travel there again. Luckily, I’ve taken my own advice and will be there shortly. Manhattan first, Hamptons second. “It will be like a posh version of Jersey Shore,” I told Skiwi.
Hopefully it isn’t too Jersey Shore – I’ve no doubt they’ve got some itches that require more than a topical cream.