MiniMe has a lot of parents. Just when she thinks she has met them all, she meets more. Cream Of Tartar is one of the parents who takes his job very seriously.
When he learned MiniMe was dating Striker, he was a bit upset that he had not yet met him and been given the opportunity to approve. Thus, Oreggano and I arranged for them to stop by the house.
As they were on their way, Cream Of Tartar informed us he planned to have some serious discussions with the young chap. “Do you think I should be cleaning my shotgun when they pull up?” he asked us. “Definitely,” Oreggano advised and added, “It sends a very clear message.” Cream Of Tartar set up a table and began cleaning his shotgun on the porch. “You should probably be drinking whiskey while doing that,” I suggested. “Good idea. Jameson it is,” Cream Of Tartar stated as he put a large bottle of Jameson on the table with his gun. “I’d kind of like to rack a few right when they walk up, but I don’t want the cops involved.” “Probably best not to do that,” I advised.
As MiniMe and Striker approached the porch, Cream Of Tartar greeted them as if cleaning his shotgun on the porch while drinking whiskey (and wine) was standard operating procedure. They had only been there about a minute when Oreggano reminded him of his obligation as a parent, “Didn’t you have something you wanted to talk to them about?” “Oh, yeah, that’s right. Guys, it’s time we had the sex talk,” Cream Of Tartar advised them.
While Oreggano and I tried to suppress our giggles, Cream Of Tartar continued to assert his authority. “Look, this talk is just as tough for me as it is for you,” he told them. He then went on to talk about ‘protection.’ “Talking about protection isn’t scary. You know what’s scary? Going to the doctor and finding out the diseases you’ve got because you didn’t use protection. Now that is scary.”
Once it was clear they were picking up what he was laying down, Cream Of Tartar told Striker, “It really is nice to meet you. I hate to have to be stern but, well, it’s my job and we had to have the sex talk.”
And with that, he put the shotgun away, Oreggano and I burst out in laughter, the raccoons distracted us, and we were on to a totally different adventure.