Buttfe

I’ve been to Baltimore several times, however, I’ve never actually been to Baltimore – much like Charlene and ‘Paradise.’

Fortunately, my last day on the Eastern Shore, aka ‘The South’ (that was for you Dr. BJ), was spent in Baltimore – Inner Harbor, to be exact.

After a tour of Fort McHenry, we decided to grab a bite to eat. This made me happy because I’m a good eater and it’s always nice to eat a good meal before getting on a plane.

As we approached the town my Uncle began looking for one of his favorite restaurants. The Harborplace Mall was within eyesight and my uncle pointed out a restaurant to Aunt Winnie, “There’s that great seafood place.” I had a feeling he was mistaken, so I double checked, “Are you referring to the restaurant with the orange verbiage?” “Yes,” he replied. “That’s not a seafood restaurant,” I advised him and clarified, “That’s Hooters. You can probably get tuna there, but I’m guessing it isn’t the kind you had in mind.”

We ended up going to his favorite restaurant, buffet style. My experience has been that buffets, or more appropriately termed ‘buttfes,’ are nothing butt (pun intended) trouble. Just because it is all you can eat does not mean one should eat all they can (and many do). Some of that food has been turned more than a downtown trick on a good night.

Even though I was extremely careful with my dining choices, by the time I got to the airport I was ready to hear Muzak playing Wilson Phillips. That airline warning about belongings shifting, 100% true if you board a plane after a seafood buttfe. My internal belongings shifted the entire flight. Next time, I’m not correcting my uncle. Next time, no seafood buttfe. Next time, we’re going somewhere ‘delightfully tacky yet unrefined.’ Next time, we’re going to Hooters!