D-Dog and I were both in need of hair care and decided to set appointments at the same time and place. As they were assessing our hair, several stylists came by, commented on, and touched D-Dog’s hair. “Wow, this hair is amazing. Virgin, right?” D-Dog would give a sly smile and proudly reply, “Yep.”
D-Dog’s stylist was teasing her hair, trying to give it a little oomph (a combination of pizazz and lift, as well as a the name of a Neue Deutsche Härte musical group), when he asked her a question, “What kind of product do you use?” D-Dog started to reply, “Oh, not a lot really, just your basic stuff.” “Don’t be shy, just tell him,” I piped in and added, “She uses Suave.” With a gasp, complimented by a look of sheer terror and a quick surveillance of the room, he moved in closer to the both of us and said, “Shhh. Don’t use the ‘s’ word.”
Product and product placement is a big deal – especially in the big hair world. Whenever I’m yearning for the that instant volume, confident, just stepped out of a salon, rock a bob look, I set a hair appointment at this salon.Once there, I am surrounded by numerous hair ideas for next year’s Halloween costume(s) – it’s slightly intoxicating. Today was no exception, I was gifted with an onslaught of Kate Gosselin and Snooki gone bad (oxymoron, I know) creations.
Snooki. S-Unit loves her. “I totally watch Jersey Shore. Do you?” “No,” I replied, “I’m not even sure if I have MTV.” “Oh my God, you’ve got to see if you do and, if you do, you’ve got to watch Jersey Shore Miami,” S-Unit excitedly told me and continued, “I started watching it and totally want to be Snooki’s friend.” “Really?” I asked, “Snooki’s friend? Why?” “Because she’s a hot mess, that’s why.”
A hot mess was the state of That’s Not Chinese when I finally arrived, with my oomph factor hair, at her house for dinner. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you. I almost called the ER,” she shouted at me as I approached the front door. It was like a flashback to the late 1900s, when I’d arrive home after hours of shenanigans with friends to find Pops waiting for me at the door in his save the world undies, asking these same questions. “We didn’t set a time,” I coyly replied, “Do you like my hair?”
A few minutes into my visit with That’s Not Chinese, I noticed her zipper was down and, as friends do, I advised her. “Right, I know,” she said with a hint of irritation. “Some of my friends forgot to tell me I got fat so now my zipper won’t stay up and I’ve got camel toe.”
As the evening progressed, so did the Snookiness (aka, hot mess). Recently, That’s Not Chinese started doing yoga with Jillian Michaels and, each time she would bend or stretch (usually to pour more wine or just grab her glass from the coffee table), she would say the ‘j’ word. “Jillian! You’re killing me.”
Eventually, I decided to take my big hair and go home, “Gotta get some rest,” I told her. “Plan to the ‘e’ word with Q tomorrow.” “The ‘e’ word?” she asked. “Exercise,” I answered. And with a hint of irritation, coupled with high hopes and positive thinking, That’s Not Chinese adjusted her zipper, threw down the ‘j’ word, and waved me goodbye.
Your family cabin has MTV. I know because your dad told me so. We can go there for Snookie research. But we were in Jersey and Snookie’d it up, so I know you understand the beauty in hair.
Yes, Pops made sure about that one. The cabin would be a fine place for Snooki research. We couldn’t GT while there, but we could L.
We definitely tried to Snooki it up in Jersey – I wish JetBlue had provided more accessories, like a bump-it.