Wangsta Angsta

A while back I met someone who I found attractive, funny and smart. He had a job and was dressed ‘nice,’ which is not always a common find for me – especially to find both at the same time. Luckily, he also enjoyed my company and invited me to hang out with him. Dr. BJ suggested I invite him to the stoop for a ‘screening.’ Part of the need for the screening was to serve background check purposes. I didn’t know much about him, but he dressed well and was funny, so I wasn’t sure if he was gay or foreign or if I had hit the motherlode. Dr. BJ assured me he could provide a full assessment.

Both OregganO and Dr. BJ were at the house when the doorbell rang and I wanted to sneak out the back door. This gangsta showed up full-on wangsta. Sideways bill beanie, oversized logo-ed hoodie, baggy jeans, and large white sneakers. Let me preface this with, I’m an asshole, but there was no way in hell I would be going anywhere in public with this wangsta. I was already struggling with the fact that my neighbors, Dr. BJ and OregganO had seen him enter my home. Truth be told, I cannot even stomach doing the deed with him – even if he and I were the only two who ever knew his dream came true.

Fast forward a couple days later and I’m chatting with Nice Car, someone who knows Wangsta very well. Apparently, even Nice Car had reservations about Wangsta and instead of a background check, Nice Car was aware of a foreground reject. Apparently, several years ago, Wangsta submitted pictures to Playgirl and was respectfully declined. Not buff or  big enough. Not only did they not see wangsta, they didn’t see wank, sir.