I had a doctor’s appointment today – yes, the girl doctor – and as I arrived to check in I approached the ‘non-pregnant’ window. As I did so, the girl at the ‘pregnant’ window smiled at me and said, “I can check you in over here.” I just assumed she was being helpful so I walked over to her window, informed her of my appointment time, gave her my name and the name of my doctor. “Oops,” she stated and then looked to the ‘non-pregnant’ window staff, “Looks like she is one of yours.” Clearly, I must have ‘looked like’ I was one of hers first. Damn buckwheat pancakes.
After the appointment I, like a woman who was pregnant and then not pregnant within seconds of finding out she was pregnant, immediately went to the grocery store and bought Nutter Butter cookies. If only they were Nutter Butter Butter – I love that peanut butter filling. Shortly after this excursion and slight expansion of my ass (since I just returned from Europe I’ve been telling people, “I’ve got France in my pants”), I received a text from OregganO asking about my plans for the evening. I invited her to join Dr. BJ and I for dinner. “Can we eat something healthy?” she replied. “Of course, I’ve been eating healthy for like two days – if you don’t count the diner, pumpkin pie for dessert last night and the emotional Nutter Butter cookies I just ate.”
OregganO came by and we did, in fact, eat healthy. After dinner, we were pleased to be joined by Alice. She was sharing a story with us about a recent event that was very emotional and resulted in a lot of tears for her. One evening, when she was crying, a sturgeon (yes, a fish) type creature attempted to console her with this and only this, “Here, have a tissue.” This response envoked additional emotions for Alice. Luckily, she has had a good couple of days to offset her recent tragedy. Yesterday, the Yankees won and today she was one of the few who got to attend “Stones in Exile” at a local brew/movie house. “I absolutely love Mick Jagger,” she informed us while her eyes rolled to the back of her head, “My DeDe was quivering.” “Your what!?!?!” Dr. BJ asked. “My DeDe. Don’t you guys have names for your parts?” OregganO, Dr. BJ and I all looked at each other for support. “How do you spell it?” I asked. “Capital D, e, capital D, e. Just like it sounds,” Alice retorted. “I can’t believe you guys don’t have names for yours. I’ve called mine this since I was,” she stopped, as though she was counting the time, “a little girl.” “I apologize,” I replied. “I don’t have a name for mine.” “Me neither,” said OregganO. “I just call mine cock or dick,” said Dr. BJ. Alice seemed disappointed with our responses so, in an attempt to console her, I said, “Here, have a tissue……it might also help with the quivering you experienced at the theater.” “I don’t think so,” Dr. BJ quipped, “for a quiver like that she’ll need a curtain.” The curtain, another story, for another time……